Whipped Words
April 24th, 2005
If you happen to be a fan of Consumer Joe then you probably know that there were a bunch of letters that didn’t make it into the book for a few reasons. Whether it was because of legal reasons or because the letters didn’t go with the consumer theme of the book, a few of them were damn funny and (sadly) just didn’t happen.
One of those was to Cool Whip.
I had written to Cool Whip and told them that [as David Paulson] I had consumed nothing but Cool Whip for over 3 months and lost 87 pounds in the process. I was planning on releasing a book called Whip Off the Weight: David Paulson’s Cool Whip Diet and simply needed their approval to use the Cool Whip logo to accompany me on the cover holding a tub of the famous whipped topping.
Their response (in a nutshell) was no. They didn’t want the public thinking that Cool Whip endorsed a diet such as that.
I wrote Cool Whip back again, and had tweaked my plans. Instead of needing their logo, I would instead simply be holding a scoop of the famous whipped topping but would not use their logo. I would call the book Whip Off The Weight: David Paulson’s Non-Brand Name Whipped Cream Substitute Diet.
Their response, again, was no. They felt that the public would see the scoop of whipped topping in my hands, assume from the consistency that it was Cool Whip, then assume that Cool Whip endorsed a diet such as that. They wouldn’t let me hold the scoop.
I wrote them again, telling them that I had now re-tweaked the entire cover. It would still be called Whip Off The Weight: David Paulson’s Non-Brand Name Whipped Cream Substitute Diet but I would not need their logo, nor would I be holding a scoop of it. Instead, I would be patting my stomach as if I had already ingested a scoop of the topping.
Their response? No. Even though I wasn’t using their logo, their product, or anything — they (I assume) felt that people with the ability to use X-Ray vision to see through my stomach lining would determine just what I had ingested, assuming the Cool Whip involvement. Basically, I was asking them for nothing, and they were granting me nothing.
You can imagine, with all those no’s, that when I asked to reprint the letters in the book — they weren’t having it. No how, no way.
aha! blogging as loophole! wonderful. thank you for sharing. i had a good chuckle on my semi-comatose-lying-on-couch sunday afternoon.
Comment by C(h)ristine — April 24, 2005 @ 5:57 pm
Ha - that kills me! Mrs. Malone and I laughed x 7.
Comment by T. Malone — April 24, 2005 @ 9:03 pm
Hilarious!
Comment by Zombie Flyboy — April 24, 2005 @ 9:46 pm
Love your writing style…you have me laughing our loud. So funny.
Comment by Wendi Speciale — April 25, 2005 @ 3:31 am
I bet you get a whipping for posting this on your site!
Comment by monkeyinabox — April 25, 2005 @ 10:37 am
David Paulson
264 South Doheny Drive #8
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
Dear David,
I recently purchased your book “Consumer Joe” from a discount book store (which will remain a secret, because I don’t know if Half Price Books on Campbell Road in Dallas, Texas is authorized to sell your books or not). Anyways, when I purchased this book it had a stcker price of $4.50 on it, which is SUBSTANTIALLY lower than the price of $12.95 (or $19.95 in Canada….why so much for the Canadian’s?….do you hate them?). Well long story short, I REALLY enjoyed reading the book (which consumed ALOT of my private bathroom time, normally held for other things, not as enjoyable as reading your book.) I feel as though I might have cheated you out of money well deserved, because of purchasing this book for a measly $4.50, when it is worth the original price of $12.95 that you originally wished to sell it for. (a little side note, my father was half Canadian, so if you feel that I should pay the $19.95 specified for the people to our North, I’d be more than happy to ablige you….otherwise, do you want me to send the remaining $8.45 that I owe you to the South Dohney Drive address you had before? Or did you move up in the world after releasing this wonderful book. Let me know.
P.S. I’d love to have some complimentary copies of any new books you have released since Corporate Joe or a free flag or something….Let me know.
Send any books or flags to:
PayDay
2817 Cliffview Drive
McKinney, TX 75071
Thanks…..and once again….Let me know.
Comment by PayDay — December 9, 2007 @ 7:17 pm