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Really, I’m speechless.
I mean, without having stumbled upon the South Park Construction Kit I would have never been able to design myself in the almighty image of South Park.
I don’t have much more to say other than that. Thank you for your time.
It’s true. I am faster than my computer.
No matter how amazing the technological improvements become, no matter how blindingly-fast the processors are, no matter how lightning-quick the button-pressing, key hitting and internal system clocks can be — I am still faster than any computer on the face of the Earth (past, present or future).
No, no, no, no, no. My brain cannot computate a million mathematical processes in thirty seconds flat. No, I cannot render effects on a video clip within a minute. No, I cannot multi-task between twelve programs, all doing computations and other complicated mathematical equations.
People love gossip.
Personally, I love the kind of obscure celebrity gossip that you cannot 100% totally confirm or deny, but in my dealings with some of Hollywood’s players, I have overheard, been privy to, or seen some of the following tidbits and details — which amuse me to no end.
Did you know that Ben Stiller hates the pimentos in the middle of olives so much that at a recent off-Broadway play during the intermission he stood by the bar and de-pimento’d over fifteen olives, keeping them all in a exponentially sopped cocktail napkin? And did you know that when his wife Christine Taylor approached him and was witness to his horrible manners, that she made him do away with them? And do you know what Stiller did? He put them in the pocket of his sportsjacket. That had to be one smelly sportjacket if you know what we mean!
People often ask me, “Paul, what’s going on with the TV version of Consumer Joe? I mean, you’ve been talking about that damn book for years and I’m getting a little sick and tired of pretending I’m interested this far out. I mean, seriously — isn’t it on remainder shelves by now? Behind the Far Side desk calendars from 1987?”
What if it is, huh?
The last couple of weeks have seen some nice progress in the quest to bring Consumer Joe: The TV Show to a network near you. The process has been intriguing, as we (me and my management) had partnered up with an un-named groundbreaking Executive Producer from TV and began our quest to network after network in an attempt to sell some of dem apples.
It’s amazing what free pizza will do for Friday’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” — idea wise.
As the ideas came flooding in this week, yours truly had a generous helping of creative and off-the-wall suggestions, but based on current events and wanting WFYE to be as newsworthy as possible I have chosen a suggestion from Chris. Chris writes, “What’s it really like having a pet monkey and are you afraid that he might secretly try to pull out a knife and attack you in your sleep?”
With all the psychotic apes and chimpanzees attacking humans lately in the news, Chris has offered up a wonderfully significant idea, which will be rewarded by (YES) two free, hot, pungent delivery-style pizzas. (Editor’s note: Chris, please contact WFME Pizza Dispatch ASAP with your contact info, preferred time of delivery, and what toppings you’d like. Seriously.)
Words for My Enjoyment is the official blog of writer Paul Davidson. He lives in Los Angeles where, well, the magic happens.
