Words For Your Enjoyment: Finding Jesus

Once again the twilight blackens the night sky and the sun rises above the gorgeous vistas from sea to shining sea, and throughout it all there is one very serious constant — “Words For Your Enjoyment”.

This week’s gem of an idea comes all the way from James G. who says, “It’s been awhile since you’ve talked about celebrities like our ‘ol boy Scottie Baio — have you run into anyone else lately?”

Color me surprised.

Would you believe, that just yesterday I came in contact with a man that some may say is the greatest celebrity on the face of the Earth? The greatest celebrity since the dawn of time? A mere giant among others like Moses, Alexander the Great (non Colin Farrell version), Joan of Arc, Abraham Lincoln, ALF, and so many more. That man’s name?

Jesus Christ.

A few days ago, would you believe it, but I ran into Jesus at the Sherman Oaks Galleria’s 24 Hour Fitness Gym.

I know! I know.

I was working out on a machine for my shoulders when I looked in front of me and saw a trainer working with Jesus. He was wearing a CBS Sports hat and was struggling to do the Incline Bench Press. But knowing Jesus you know what happened — he pushed out those sets one after another, and when the sweat and the pain and the struggle appeared to be too much, he pushed even further and got the job done. Man, he was on fire.

But then something happened.

Jesus was thirsty. And had it been the second-coming of Jesus Christ right here at the Magic Johnson 24 Hour Fitness Gym, Jesus probably could have just snapped his fingers and had water right there at that moment. Instead, he dispatched his disciple (the trainer) to fetch a bottle of Arrowhead water that was (get this) perched on the top of my shoulder machine. The trainer came over, grabbed it, and handed it to Jesus, who was out of breath. But as Jesus took hold of the Arrowhead bottle of water, it did not turn to wine. He simply drank it down without any fanfare.

It was then that I realized that I was not looking at THE Jesus Christ, but the man who played Jesus Christ in The Passion of the Christ — Jim Caviezel. Who, previous to The Passion of the Christ also played in such engaging films as Frequency and The Thin Red Line.

I harkened back to the time when I saw Ian Ziering at the gym and was upset that my gym was being overrun by B-level actors who were saving their hard-earned TV and Movie money instead of shelling out for a high-end gym with high-end trainers.

Well, apparently Jesus is of the same mindset as Ian Ziering.

So far, my 24 Hour Fitness location is serving up grandiose gym goodness to Ian Ziering, Kyle Gass and Jesus Christ. Really, I’m starting to wonder what’s going on.

Nonetheless, I continued to watch Jesus Christ work out at the gym today and can report gladly that he is, indeed, good at the lifting weights thing. Never struggling too much, never complaining, and happy to give passerbys a friendly greeting even in the midst of a tough set. He was genial, happy and a regular guy just like you and me. I had found Jesus. And he had impressed me.

Thank the Lord.

5 comments on “Words For Your Enjoyment: Finding Jesus

  1. monkeyinabox - March 11, 2005 at 9:59 am -

    Now there’s clip art you can use everyday.

  2. Pauly D - March 11, 2005 at 10:01 am -

    Serious, eh?

    I was pretty damn proud of it, if I may say so myself.

  3. monkeyinabox - March 11, 2005 at 10:12 am -

    You could give it to churchs to put on promotional material. “Jesus Kicks Ass”. Kids need a role model these days.

  4. T. Malone - March 11, 2005 at 3:19 pm -

    Having B & C-list celebs/religious icons working out with you is pretty cool. If I’m “lucky”, I get to see our way-out-of-shape, effeminate apartment manager Patrick attempt squat thrusts on Thursday nights. I need to move to Hollywood.

  5. MadameD - March 12, 2005 at 7:24 am -

    Dude, you get to work out with Jesus. I get to see my gram “chair dance.” I don’t even want to get into it. Oh, the humANITY!! (going to go cry now…)

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