Betty Rubble was trolling for free drinks again.
I’d seen Betty out at Sunset Boulevard bars before — but this time she could barely hold onto the edge of the bar, swaying with the bar as if it was riding out an earthquake classified as an 8.5 on the Richter.
Her friend, Smurfette was sitting on Quick Draw McGraw’s lap over in the couch area. But Betty, well, she hungrily watched as single guys walked by — trying to catch each of their eyes and then asking them (when they took the bait), if they wanted to buy her a drink.
After watching this successful little ploy work for Betty Rubble many many times, that 8.5 was quickly becoming a 12.9. She was holding on for dear life.
I am fascinated with medicine.
Hell, I watch ER and I used to watch Chicago Hope and I am endlessly intrigued by the complexity of the body and how everything seems to all work together in perfect harmony. The human body is a complicated machine and I don’t believe we’ve even scratched the surface of everything it can do. But just like the awesome technology of a remote control car door or a lightswitch, the human body has one very cool feature that I am endlessly stoked with.
The breathing/swallowing factor.
With the success of the latest batch of Broadway Musicals based on movie properties (The Producers, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Monty Python’s Spamalot), I would like to present to you my own Top 10 list of future properties we can hopefully (or sadly) end up seeing in the future.
10. Val Kilmer’s The Real “Musical” Genius
09. Hot Dog!: The Musical Based on the Movie Based on the Food
08. Gremlins on Parade
07. Dead Man Singing
06. Million Dollar Baby-Doll
05. Pretty in Pink and Sequins
04. Indiana Jones and The Underwater Bathing Beauties
03. Snoop Dogg’s Bitch, Don’t Be Crazy — Just Dance!
02. The Goonies: The Musical: Featuring such songs as “Don’t Step There” and “No, Don’t Step There Either.”
01. Tom Cruise’s Cock-Tales
As you read this, it’s already happening to you.
You’ve got that song stuck in your head but you can’t quite communicate to anyone around you exactly what song it is. "It’s that song that starts out da da dum, de de, boom crash…then the drums kick in like duga-duga-diggita-dug and then there’s that wooooaaaaaa. I think it’s about falling in love." And the people around you, hanging on every word that comes out of your mouth are dying inside. Literally, they are about to explode. Because the song you’re trying to sing, doesn’t sound like a song at all.
But I, oh yes, I could be your name-that-tune guy.
In honor of Easter, and having to do as little work as possible on this here there holiday, I direct you to last year’s Conversation with the Easter Bunny — a journalistic watershed of literary superiority.
It was, if I remember correctly, the biggest journalistic "get" in Easter’s history. So please, read it and enjoy.