Why Motivation is Dead

Mow-tee-vay-shun: That which one possesses until they don’t possess it, at which point those who think they know how to possess it charge money in order to help the one who did possess it, then didn’t possess it, find a way to regain their possession of it.

Motivation is a funny thing.

Those who don’t have it, wish they had it. Those who have it, wish they had more. Those who are looked upon as people with inordinate amounts of it, secretly believe they have none. People are constantly wishing they knew the secret to motivation, the reasons for having it, and there are “experts” out in world who will charge you for the secrets to obtaining it.

Titles For Today’s Post Which I Abandoned For This Post Instead

Freckles Or Moles: The Debate
I Can Sing Through My Nose, Blindfolded
I Like To Pretent I’m Afraid of Bees
My Head is Huge For An American
Do You Like Mold? Let’s Discuss
Sliding Whores
Fifteen Reasons To Smoke Crack
Hilary Duff Loves To Pretend She’s Poor
A Livery Stable of Lies
Poop Spelled Backwards Is Poop
I Could Be Your Braider-Dude
Frigid Girls, Frigid-Aire
My Hand Is Stuck In A Sub-Woofer
Garbanzo This, Stupid-Head!
Revenge On The River (Or, Fish Puree)
Sometimes, Guns Are Good
Stick This In Your Pipe And Then Clean It Out
The Telephone Game: Knock-Knock!
I’ll Scratch Your Back If You Scratch My Left Ear Lobe
Why ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ Rules My World
Hams Are Expensive, Just So You Know
The Real Meaning of Crunching Ice
Telephone Poles, Polar Bears and Hair-Plugs
Toodle-Dee-Doo: The New “Goodbye”
Reach For It And Give Up, Buddy
Why Motivation is Dead
The Needler: The Bane of My Existence

Words For Your Enjoyment: Doogie Howser

Hams aren’t cheap these days.

That’s why, I’m sure, the overwhelming reaction to yesterday’s Version 2.0 of “Words For Your Enjoyment” went over like a crazed-crowd of Beatles fans. Either way, good friend Will‘s suggestion, about “Doogie Howser potentially being the first blogger ever” was picked for this week’s column.

Will…as soon as you forward your address to us here at WFME, your ham will be on its way to you. Please denote if you want honey-glazed or normal plain-ol’ ham.

As for Doogie Howser, the title-character of the early 90’s television show Doogie Howser, M.D. — the story goes like this:

Today’s Prognosis on Fingernails

Why do nubby fingernails give me the willies?

Really, I guess it goes along with the “man hands” and the “big feet” and the “huge head” and the “weird laugh” and the “strange smell” idiosyncracies that people end relationships over. But when it comes to fingernails — they just can’t be nubby.

Do you know what I mean by nubby?

If it looks like your fingernails are set within your fingers, and they do not extend past the top of your finger and they appear to be little tiny Smurf doors (i.e., nestled within a fleshy or mushroomy area), then you have nubby fingernails. If they appear as if they’re their own kind of little island of nail in the middle of a finger-skin sea — then your nails are nubby. (Finger-skin sea — I know that W is going to nab that one up for his day-to-day verbage.)