The Entry About Ian Ziering That Will Shock And Surprise You

I work out.

Let me just put that out there so you can think about it for a moment. Yes, I get up early on a daily basis and I go to the gym and I work out and pump iron and often yelp when I bang my right knee into a variety of metal objects. My right knee loves to smash itself against such things. In fact, it’s my bad knee now, due to such activities. But I work out. And you must accept that before I may continue.

On the morning in question [today], I was minding my own business during my 50 minute trip across wildly-strange vistas (the eliptical machine) while listening to Frau Frau. I had made friends with the woman to my left — who had wanted to be friends with me after psyching some guy out with the towel covering her 30+ minute set, because since I had already seen the lies she was peddling, she wanted to be my friend. On the right, a guy who wanted to know absolutely everything about my iPod. (Honestly, how someone doesn’t know these things already, is anyone’s guess.)

But then, on the horizon, looking in the mirror sideways (he had to turn his head to the left in order to get a glimpse of himself), was none other than Beverly Hills, 90210 star, Ian Ziering.

Whatthehell?

The real issue was not that I had just had a star sighting (and that’s debatable, anyway) of someone I had watched on the TV for years and years, and the real issue was not that he was going out of his way to look at his bad-self while walking past the workout mirror… The real issue was — Why is Ian Ziering working out at my gym?

Yes, there comes a point when stars are no longer BIG stars and they can no longer afford to pay trainers to keep them in shape. They’re looking to survive on whatever money they’ve already made and they can’t piss it all away especially if they’re not currently working. I get that. I totally get that.

But why does it have to be at my gym?

Personally, it makes me feel less excited about my gym because it was obviously not Ian Ziering’s first choice of a gym and so it is his “budgetary-conscious” choice of a gym, and the fact that he and Tenacious D‘s Kyle Gass is also working out there makes me wonder if I am a member of a gym populated by declining, cost-conscious stars.

I’m not happy about that, one bit.

Even more disturbing is Ian Ziering’s water-fountain manners. About twenty-minutes later, I approached the water fountain where he was in front of me in line. He was waiting for a third party to finish filling their bottle. As soon as they were, Ian attacked the water fountain with the kind of thirst that only desert-bound survivors exhibit. He leaned in, pushed the button, and slurped his way to a watery heaven that only he was happy about. But above all, there was one particular thing he did that drove a shiver through my body…

He touched his mouth to the spigot, people. He touched his mouth to the spigot.

The first rule of gym/water fountain etiquette is, you don’t touch your mouth to the spigot.. Second rule of gym/water fountain etiquette is, YOU DON’T TOUCH YOUR MOUTH TO THE SPIGOT. Third rule of gym/water fountain etiquette is, if you do touch your mouth to the spigot, I’m probably going to be writing about you touching your mouth to the spigot, but since I’m not talking about you touching your mouth to the spigot, I’m not going against the fourth rule of gym/water fountain etiquette which just happens to be don’t talk about touching your mouth to the spigot..

I’ll probably never watch Beverly Hills, 90210 the same way, ever again.

8 comments on “The Entry About Ian Ziering That Will Shock And Surprise You

  1. Zombie Flyboy - February 26, 2005 at 6:12 pm -

    This entry reads like a lost episode of Seinfeld.

  2. That Guy - February 27, 2005 at 7:01 am -

    Ewww, who knows where his mouth has been, too! There could be about 25 different kinds of germs on there!

  3. C(h)ristine - February 27, 2005 at 11:15 am -

    Pauly…

    You know how I get freaked out by the gym — especially locker room behavior. And my rising OCD has actually prevented me from GOING to my gym, despite the fact that I am still paying monthly dues (why are they called “dues?”)…and I still pay because well, I am an optimist and think that someday my OCD will get better and the women doing weird things in the locker room (I blogged about my naked gym more than once) will stop doing weird things…

    But now I add water fountains to my list of banned items.

    OhG*d.

    On the other hand, I was mightily entertained!

  4. Fred - March 30, 2005 at 11:22 am -

    Ian Ziering is cool. Besides Jason Priestly, he was the best character on 90210 which happens to be the best show ever.

    I just recently got an autographed picture from him that says “Best Wishes, Ian Ziering”. You can’t hate that. No way. This guy totally has time for little people like you and me.

    Before you go crazy and start thinking he is weird, you should check your facts. Hey, maybe he just slipped and licked the spigot.

    Gosh.

  5. Fred - April 7, 2005 at 5:57 am -

    Actually, Zierling has quite a thriving career doing animated voice-overs… the guy aint hurting for money.

  6. […] You may recall back in February when I spotted Ian Ziering working out at my gym. […]

  7. Jacquie - April 5, 2007 at 3:48 pm -

    Hi Pauly. I so appreciate you providing linkage to old posts in new posts so we can re-appreciate them or appreciate them for the first time as I am this post, today.

    Next, I want to know if you are still working out at this gym and if you have had any more celeb (debatable or not) sitings.

    Third, is Kyle one of those guys that shows up at the gym and just sits on the bench or on a machine listening to his buddy Jack singing “Lets get it on” while he doesn’t do anything aerobic, and yet he’s still sweating unexplicably? (talk about loaded questions).

    Fourth, I think there is an unwritten law that you absolutely do not drink from the water fountains at a gym. I mean, I figured that out pretty quickly from the written law (posted on a neon pink sign next to the fountains at my gym) that says “DO NOT SPIT YOUR GUM INTO THE FOUNTAINS”. eww.

    And finally, I think Law 2 of the gym is “PLEASE DISINFECT MACHINES AFTER EACH USE”. I second that eww.

  8. Meagan - April 27, 2007 at 9:38 am -

    Well that does suck that Ian Ziering-one of the celebs that I find quite fetching-would do such a thing-but in his defence I am pritty shure you dont have to feel bad about him comming to your gym-he might find it to be a good gym to go to so that he can be down to earth, unlike all the other celebs who are to good for our gyms. he doesnt need an athletic trainer (have you seen his body?) he just wants a quick and easy way to keep up with his body .
    About the drinking from the fountain like a ravaging beast–that is a little disturbing -but i guess he wasnt thinking-or at least thats what want to believe. anyways the story does not bother me-i still find him to be attractive and talented and i just wish i could have been you that day you saw the man of my dreams.

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