Today’s Emotional Moment With A Phone Solicitor
February 10th, 2005
Me: Hello?
Them: Mr. Davidson?
Me: [Cough]
Them: Hello, may I speak with Mr. Davidson?
Me: [Wheeze]
Them: Are you OK? Hello?
Me: Oh man. Did you hear that?
Them: Hear what?
Me: That coughing and that wheezing. Man.
Them: This is Omaha Steaks calling with a special offer for-
Me: [Hacking cough]
Them: Sir?
Me: Sorry. Do you ever feel like you’re going to cough up a lung?
Them: No, sir. Not really. But if I could just take a moment to tell you ab-
Me: It’s a weird kind of pressure in your chest. Not that I’ve ever really come close to really coughing up a lung but can you imagine what kind of horrible moment that would be if you were sitting around the dinner table with a bunch of familiy and friends and then all of a sudden…PLOP! There’s a lung on the table??
Them: No, sir. I don’t think I can imagine such a thing.
Me: Well, good. You don’t need that kind of visual stuck in your head.
Them: Do you want to hear about this month’s Omaha Steaks specials?
Me: What’s your name, Miss?
Them: Stacey.
Me: Stacey — if you were having a coughing fit and a potential stray lung coming out of your mouth at the dinner table, would YOU want to hear about monthly steak specials?
Stacey: [Giggles]
Me: I’m not here to entertain you, Stacey. I asked you a question.
Stacey: No, I’m not sure that I would.
Me: Well, then… I think we’re done here, Stacey. What do you think?
Stacey: Feel better, Mr. Davidson.
Me: Awwwww, thanks Stacey.
Stacey: Uh huh.
Click.
—
In other news, tomorrow brings yet another Words For Your Enjoyment where you think of a number between 1 and 10, assign ideas to each of those numbers, then pick one of those numbers out of the blue then e-mail me the number and the idea and if I like the number (I’m not a fan of even numbers) and I pick it and use it for an idea, you will be the King of the World (not as in Titanic’s King of the World, but WFME’s King of the World.)
And really, isn’t that enough?
The funny thing is, I use the phrase “hacking up a lung” all the time when I’m sick with a cold or whatever (like I am right now). It doesn’t help that I’m a smoker…think of the double whammy of cigarette’s and post-nasal drip. ACK!
Comment by That Guy — February 10, 2005 @ 10:52 am
Again, a wonderfully visual comment.
Comment by Pauly D — February 10, 2005 @ 12:20 pm
hmmm, maybe I’ll use the coughing up a lung excuse next time a telemarketer calls. Do I have your permission to blatantly steal your idea?
Comment by Dawn (webmiztris) — February 10, 2005 @ 2:50 pm
All I can think of is “coughing up my pleura” from Amelie. Is there such a thing as a pleura? I’d really like to know.
Never mind. I should know by now to Google before I speak, so here’s a definition: “membranous lining of the upper body cavity and covering for the lungs.” Isn’t that just lovely?
Comment by April — February 10, 2005 @ 7:21 pm
Those directions for WFYE are just too complicated for this early in the morning. I don’t think I have one idea yet, let alone ten. Can I just pick a number?
Comment by Robbie — February 11, 2005 @ 5:54 am