Words For Your Enjoyment: Smurfs
January 28th, 2005
There’s really no way to lead up to it.
Today’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” has been creatively supplied by none-other than WFME’s resident blog antagonist, Steve. Here to keep me honest, he has provided me with the question to end all questions… Steve asks WFYE, “Which Smurf would you be?”
Hoo boy.
There is like no question whatsoever that if I had the opportunity to be a Smurf, that I would so be Smurfette.
There’s a really easy mentality here, but to put it all into perspective, please peruse the following list of all of the Smurfs ever in existence: Papa Smurf, Lazy Smurf, Handy Smurf, Brainy Smurf, Clumsy Smurf, Tailor Smurf, Farmer Smurf, Dreamy Smurf, Harmony Smurf, Painter Smurf, Hefty Smurf, Vanity Smurf, Jokey Smurf, Poet Smurf, Grouchy Smurf, Baker Smurf, Greedy Smurf, Snappy Smurf, Slouchy Smurf, Baby Smurf and Grandpa Smurf. What do they all have in common?
They’re all male smurfs.
My homegirl Smurfette is the only original female smurf to exist in a world of male Smurfs and instead of being a part of one huge sausage party, you can bet your bippy I would choose to be the single female Smurf over any other Smurf in that damn village. Sure, it’d be nice to be handy or brainy or hefty — and you might say that if I was brainy I could outsmart the other Smurfs to hookup with Smurfette or if I was hefty I could kick the asses of the rest of the Smurfs or if I was handy, I could build some huge tower and put myself and Smurfette up there.
But really, who are we really kidding?
Smurfette is the way to go. No matter if you are male or female, no matter if you like having blue skin, no matter if you are afraid of Gargamel and Azrael (the cat) — when it comes time to choose which Smurf you want to be in your next life, you know which way to go. The hot, single, solo female Smurf in the land — Smurfette.
I think you’ll all agree with me on this one as it is a no-brainer.
—
In other news, the people from HGTV’s Design on a Dime swung out to the pad this week and I got to meet all the people you see on the show. They’ll be shooting my place for the show in late February and you should be able to see the Pauly D on National TV this Summer.
In other additional news, I am now one week into my gig as Supervising Producer on a new untitled FOX reality show which is insane. It’s crazy, really. It’s like The Running Man meets 101 Dalmatians meets Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Seriously, it is.
Poet Smurf? Hadn’t heard of that one.
Does the H&G show redo one room or your entire house??
Cool about Supervising Producer on a new untitled FOX reality show gig. Can you get my sister a PA job?
Comment by Hilary — January 28, 2005 @ 7:59 am
I watch all those design shows, so I’ll look for ya! I need all the tips I can get for my new pad!
Whenever I think of smurfs, I think of the SNL sketch with “Blurfs,” and I then I start laughing!
Comment by Kathleen — January 28, 2005 @ 8:39 am
The H&G show redoes one room in the house. One glorious room!
Huzzah!
Comment by Pauly D — January 28, 2005 @ 9:03 am
Cleary Smurfette is the obvious choice. However, let’s not get hasty in declaring it a “no-brainer.” There is another choice that deserves at least a little exploration.
For me, Papa Smurf is also in the running. Let’s think about it – he’s the only Smurf that we have clear evidence of his having made the “monster with two backs.” As such, we must also assume that there was a Smurfette in his day, and, out of all the suitors, he closed the deal. You have to admire that kind of drive in a Smurf. His position in the tribe is undeniable, and power, as they say, is Smurfalicious.
Oh I’m not saying that Papa is the clear choice as it’s probably a lonely life and with power comes responsibility and headaches. I’m just saying that we must consider all the options before boldly calling Smurfette the “no-brainer” choice.
Comment by steve — January 28, 2005 @ 10:07 am
oooh, how exciting!!!!
(by the way, I’d totally be Smurfette too)
Comment by Dawn (webmiztris) — January 28, 2005 @ 11:26 am
That FOX show sounds magnificent.
Comment by chase — January 28, 2005 @ 12:07 pm
I must say Pauly. Your knowledge of the smurf world is quite impressive. I like that you even knew that Smurfette wasn’t the only female smurf.
Much like an episode of Alias I too remember there being some sort of genetically altered female smurf. If you stop and think about it, “The Smurfs” were really on the cutting edge of bio-ethics.
On a separate note — I used to have this theory that you can’t keep naming Smurfs without eventually listing the dwarfs… However, you seemed to have resisted the siren-like calling.
Comment by steve — January 28, 2005 @ 2:11 pm
If you’ve ever watched Donnie Darko, you wouldn’t want to be Smurfette!
Comment by monkeyinabox — January 28, 2005 @ 2:11 pm
Oh great — all this take about cartoons has somehow lodged the theme song of the Gummy Bears in my head.
Gummy Bears — bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that’s beyond compare. They are the gummy bears.
Comment by steve — January 28, 2005 @ 2:14 pm
Monkeyinabox has a point. Donnie Darko’s tirade about Smurfette’s role in the village is second to none.
Also, you forgot Bashful Smurf (unless, of course, you were only listing Smurfs who have appeared in more than one episode).
Comment by Will — January 28, 2005 @ 3:06 pm
I sang with you, Steve.
Gummy Bears!
Don’t get me started on the Ducktales theme!
Comment by Kathleen — January 28, 2005 @ 3:30 pm
It’s a shame I don’t have any Gummy Beary Juice. I guess I’ll have to settle for Capri-Suns.
As a bonus I am going create super long fingers with my fruit roll-ups.
Comment by steve — January 28, 2005 @ 4:08 pm
Oooooh. Fruit roll-ups.
Comment by Pauly D — January 28, 2005 @ 4:34 pm
and I’ll blow bubbles with my bubble tape!
Comment by Kathleen — January 28, 2005 @ 5:29 pm
Ahh.. bubble tape. Personally, I was more of a Big League Chew kind of guy, but there is something kind of fun about putting a foot of gum in one’s mouth. (nowadays I’m more likely to simply put my foot in my mouth)….
Comment by steve — January 28, 2005 @ 7:44 pm
There’s no arguing with your logic there! Ahh, the Smurfs. I miss watching cartoons like that
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME about Design on a Dime! You’ll have to let us know exactly when it’s going to air!
Comment by principessa — January 29, 2005 @ 7:59 am
In Scandinavia the Smurfs are said to be as ‘the Conscience of our people’ — which is nice, but it doesn not explain how we all want to put the penis into the Smurfette! So, we have made a joke of this, “Where smurfette bends over, we screwed ourselves!” HA-HA-HA!!
Comment by Jurgen — January 29, 2005 @ 9:09 am
I am both scared and amazed at the resonance that Smurf-topics seem to have with WFME readers.
Nay, readers-worldwide.
It’s just plain Smurftastic!.
Comment by Pauly D — January 30, 2005 @ 1:03 pm
Even more terrifying to me is that (judging by WFME comments) you could rule the world if you could just somehow combine Smurfs and gut-punching…
Throw in long toes and you’d be unstoppable.
Seriously, am I the only one who has been horrified by the number of people who have come to WFME looking to share their gut-punching predilection?
Comment by steve — January 30, 2005 @ 3:58 pm
Does it make me a little sick that I find the mental image of gut punching Smurfs hilarious?
Comment by steve — January 30, 2005 @ 3:59 pm
Papa Smurf and Hefty Smurf participating in a bout of gut-punching IS hilarious.
As for all the gut-punchers visiting WFME, I would never had imagined there was such a fetish out there. It’s just, well, wonky.
Comment by Pauly D — January 30, 2005 @ 4:03 pm
It would be great to be Smurfette. But I have a question. Why is there only one female smurf? Why isn’t there a Mama Smurf or a female version of vanity.
Comment by Christina — December 8, 2005 @ 8:25 am
There was only one female smurf, Christina, because there was only one female writer on that show. That’s Hollywood, I guess — always sticking the ladies in the back seat if you know what I mean.
Comment by Pauly D — December 8, 2005 @ 8:30 am
Smurfette isn’t the only Smurf; there’s Sassette and Grandma Smurf too.
Comment by Eep — January 5, 2006 @ 10:23 pm
Actually there were three female Smurfs.
While Smurfette is the most well known, 2 other lady Smurfs appeared during the run of the show.
They were Sassette and Nanny.
Interestingly Sassette was made of clay (just like Smurfette), only Sassette was not made by Gargamel.
Smurfette was originally created by Gargamel for evil doings, but Smurfette looked rather manly and the shit did not go down.
Either you know too little or I know too much about Smurfs. I am guessing that it is the former.
I could go on, but I do not feel like giving you a history lesson. That is why we have schools.
Comment by person with smurf knowledge — January 4, 2007 @ 5:59 pm
Hey, that reminds me, did you ever get to see that episode of Design on a dime and if so, you should post it on your YouTube account so the rest of us can enjoy it.
Comment by Jacquie — April 5, 2007 @ 3:52 pm
I’d definitely go for being that pansy-ass Smurf with the flower tucked behind his ear. That major a sausagefest, prolonged to that degree, is bound to produce a veritable feast of leftovers.
Comment by Miko — April 10, 2007 @ 2:48 pm