Words For Your Enjoyment: Smurfs

There’s really no way to lead up to it.

Today’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” has been creatively supplied by none-other than WFME’s resident blog antagonist, Steve. Here to keep me honest, he has provided me with the question to end all questions… Steve asks WFYE, “Which Smurf would you be?”

Hoo boy.

There is like no question whatsoever that if I had the opportunity to be a Smurf, that I would so be Smurfette.

There’s a really easy mentality here, but to put it all into perspective, please peruse the following list of all of the Smurfs ever in existence: Papa Smurf, Lazy Smurf, Handy Smurf, Brainy Smurf, Clumsy Smurf, Tailor Smurf, Farmer Smurf, Dreamy Smurf, Harmony Smurf, Painter Smurf, Hefty Smurf, Vanity Smurf, Jokey Smurf, Poet Smurf, Grouchy Smurf, Baker Smurf, Greedy Smurf, Snappy Smurf, Slouchy Smurf, Baby Smurf and Grandpa Smurf. What do they all have in common?

They’re all male smurfs.

My homegirl Smurfette is the only original female smurf to exist in a world of male Smurfs and instead of being a part of one huge sausage party, you can bet your bippy I would choose to be the single female Smurf over any other Smurf in that damn village. Sure, it’d be nice to be handy or brainy or hefty — and you might say that if I was brainy I could outsmart the other Smurfs to hookup with Smurfette or if I was hefty I could kick the asses of the rest of the Smurfs or if I was handy, I could build some huge tower and put myself and Smurfette up there.

But really, who are we really kidding?

Smurfette is the way to go. No matter if you are male or female, no matter if you like having blue skin, no matter if you are afraid of Gargamel and Azrael (the cat) — when it comes time to choose which Smurf you want to be in your next life, you know which way to go. The hot, single, solo female Smurf in the land — Smurfette.

I think you’ll all agree with me on this one as it is a no-brainer.

In other news, the people from HGTV’s Design on a Dime swung out to the pad this week and I got to meet all the people you see on the show. They’ll be shooting my place for the show in late February and you should be able to see the Pauly D on National TV this Summer.

In other additional news, I am now one week into my gig as Supervising Producer on a new untitled FOX reality show which is insane. It’s crazy, really. It’s like The Running Man meets 101 Dalmatians meets Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Seriously, it is.

27 comments on “Words For Your Enjoyment: Smurfs

  1. Hilary - January 28, 2005 at 7:59 am -

    Poet Smurf? Hadn’t heard of that one.

    Does the H&G show redo one room or your entire house??

    Cool about Supervising Producer on a new untitled FOX reality show gig. Can you get my sister a PA job?

  2. Kathleen - January 28, 2005 at 8:39 am -

    I watch all those design shows, so I’ll look for ya! I need all the tips I can get for my new pad!

    Whenever I think of smurfs, I think of the SNL sketch with “Blurfs,” and I then I start laughing!

  3. Pauly D - January 28, 2005 at 9:03 am -

    The H&G show redoes one room in the house. One glorious room!

    Huzzah!

  4. steve - January 28, 2005 at 10:07 am -

    Cleary Smurfette is the obvious choice. However, let’s not get hasty in declaring it a “no-brainer.” There is another choice that deserves at least a little exploration.

    For me, Papa Smurf is also in the running. Let’s think about it – he’s the only Smurf that we have clear evidence of his having made the “monster with two backs.” As such, we must also assume that there was a Smurfette in his day, and, out of all the suitors, he closed the deal. You have to admire that kind of drive in a Smurf. His position in the tribe is undeniable, and power, as they say, is Smurfalicious.

    Oh I’m not saying that Papa is the clear choice as it’s probably a lonely life and with power comes responsibility and headaches. I’m just saying that we must consider all the options before boldly calling Smurfette the “no-brainer” choice.

  5. Dawn (webmiztris) - January 28, 2005 at 11:26 am -

    oooh, how exciting!!!!

    (by the way, I’d totally be Smurfette too)

  6. chase - January 28, 2005 at 12:07 pm -

    That FOX show sounds magnificent.

  7. steve - January 28, 2005 at 2:11 pm -

    I must say Pauly. Your knowledge of the smurf world is quite impressive. I like that you even knew that Smurfette wasn’t the only female smurf.

    Much like an episode of Alias I too remember there being some sort of genetically altered female smurf. If you stop and think about it, “The Smurfs” were really on the cutting edge of bio-ethics.

    On a separate note — I used to have this theory that you can’t keep naming Smurfs without eventually listing the dwarfs… However, you seemed to have resisted the siren-like calling.

  8. monkeyinabox - January 28, 2005 at 2:11 pm -

    If you’ve ever watched Donnie Darko, you wouldn’t want to be Smurfette!

  9. steve - January 28, 2005 at 2:14 pm -

    Oh great — all this take about cartoons has somehow lodged the theme song of the Gummy Bears in my head.

    Gummy Bears — bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that’s beyond compare. They are the gummy bears.

  10. Will - January 28, 2005 at 3:06 pm -

    Monkeyinabox has a point. Donnie Darko’s tirade about Smurfette’s role in the village is second to none.

    Also, you forgot Bashful Smurf (unless, of course, you were only listing Smurfs who have appeared in more than one episode).

  11. Kathleen - January 28, 2005 at 3:30 pm -

    I sang with you, Steve.
    Gummy Bears!

    Don’t get me started on the Ducktales theme!

  12. steve - January 28, 2005 at 4:08 pm -

    It’s a shame I don’t have any Gummy Beary Juice. I guess I’ll have to settle for Capri-Suns.

    As a bonus I am going create super long fingers with my fruit roll-ups.

  13. Pauly D - January 28, 2005 at 4:34 pm -

    Oooooh. Fruit roll-ups.

  14. Kathleen - January 28, 2005 at 5:29 pm -

    and I’ll blow bubbles with my bubble tape!

  15. steve - January 28, 2005 at 7:44 pm -

    Ahh.. bubble tape. Personally, I was more of a Big League Chew kind of guy, but there is something kind of fun about putting a foot of gum in one’s mouth. (nowadays I’m more likely to simply put my foot in my mouth)….

  16. principessa - January 29, 2005 at 7:59 am -

    There’s no arguing with your logic there! Ahh, the Smurfs. I miss watching cartoons like that 🙂

    AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME about Design on a Dime! You’ll have to let us know exactly when it’s going to air!

  17. Jurgen - January 29, 2005 at 9:09 am -

    In Scandinavia the Smurfs are said to be as ‘the Conscience of our people’ — which is nice, but it doesn not explain how we all want to put the penis into the Smurfette! So, we have made a joke of this, “Where smurfette bends over, we screwed ourselves!” HA-HA-HA!!

  18. Pauly D - January 30, 2005 at 1:03 pm -

    I am both scared and amazed at the resonance that Smurf-topics seem to have with WFME readers.

    Nay, readers-worldwide.

    It’s just plain Smurftastic!.

  19. steve - January 30, 2005 at 3:58 pm -

    Even more terrifying to me is that (judging by WFME comments) you could rule the world if you could just somehow combine Smurfs and gut-punching…

    Throw in long toes and you’d be unstoppable. 😉

    Seriously, am I the only one who has been horrified by the number of people who have come to WFME looking to share their gut-punching predilection?

  20. steve - January 30, 2005 at 3:59 pm -

    Does it make me a little sick that I find the mental image of gut punching Smurfs hilarious?

  21. Pauly D - January 30, 2005 at 4:03 pm -

    Papa Smurf and Hefty Smurf participating in a bout of gut-punching IS hilarious.

    As for all the gut-punchers visiting WFME, I would never had imagined there was such a fetish out there. It’s just, well, wonky.

  22. Christina - December 8, 2005 at 8:25 am -

    It would be great to be Smurfette. But I have a question. Why is there only one female smurf? Why isn’t there a Mama Smurf or a female version of vanity.

  23. Pauly D - December 8, 2005 at 8:30 am -

    There was only one female smurf, Christina, because there was only one female writer on that show. That’s Hollywood, I guess — always sticking the ladies in the back seat if you know what I mean.

  24. Eep - January 5, 2006 at 10:23 pm -

    Smurfette isn’t the only Smurf; there’s Sassette and Grandma Smurf too.

  25. person with smurf knowledge - January 4, 2007 at 5:59 pm -

    Actually there were three female Smurfs.

    While Smurfette is the most well known, 2 other lady Smurfs appeared during the run of the show.

    They were Sassette and Nanny.

    Interestingly Sassette was made of clay (just like Smurfette), only Sassette was not made by Gargamel.

    Smurfette was originally created by Gargamel for evil doings, but Smurfette looked rather manly and the shit did not go down.

    Either you know too little or I know too much about Smurfs. I am guessing that it is the former.

    I could go on, but I do not feel like giving you a history lesson. That is why we have schools.

  26. Jacquie - April 5, 2007 at 3:52 pm -

    Hey, that reminds me, did you ever get to see that episode of Design on a dime and if so, you should post it on your YouTube account so the rest of us can enjoy it.

  27. Miko - April 10, 2007 at 2:48 pm -

    I’d definitely go for being that pansy-ass Smurf with the flower tucked behind his ear. That major a sausagefest, prolonged to that degree, is bound to produce a veritable feast of leftovers.

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