It’s raining in Los Angeles. It’s all anyone is talking about. They refer to it as Stormwatch!. I say there are way better alternatives that communicate extreme excitement and panic!
It’s no secret that I got a few Christmas presents “from the stars.”
Here, in Hollywood — when gifts are given out in December to people who know stars, work with stars, or know stars well enough to make them feel guilty for not giving you a gift — you usually get one. They are always the latest and the greatest. Like, last year — iPods were given out all over the place.
This year? Sirius Satellite Radio.
But you see — what you get is the radio transceiver (which you are able to put into your car) and the kit to install it in your car. And all at once, you are excited and then extremely suspicious because it is YOU who will have to install this wonderful present in your car.
Being a real stalker in the real world is a dangerous line to walk.
You’ve seen what happens to those people on the evening news and entertainment programs. They end up getting arrested, going to jail, ruining their lives and the lives of their friends and family. And all because they broke into so-and-so’s house, or followed so-and-so around town, or sent evil letters talking about being together forever to so-and-so.
But being a blog stalker (or “blokker”) is a different thing altogether.
It is a conversation as old as time:
Him: Can’t you see it?
Her: I don’t see a damn thing.
Him: Yeah! It’s four dolphins playing poker under water!
Her: It is NOT.
Him: Yeah! You can’t see it?
Her: I don’t see anything!
The Magic Eye puzzles/books/posters/keychains have been plaguing society for about 10 years now, having been introduced in the mid-90’s, and have made about one-third of the American public feel like either (a) a bunch of idiots, (b) the subject of an elaborate “you are stupid” scam, or (c) insane.
Today, I’d like to spend a few words discussing what I consider to be the (insert booming voice here) GIFT OF THE FUTURE.
2004’s Gift of the Future is none other than the wonderful gift card. They come in small packages, are plastic and easy to produce, can be recycled once they’ve been used, and represent a monetary value that can be traded for actual, physical items that you desperately want. There is only one drawback to the wonderful gift of the future (i.e. gift cards)…
Nothing is open today.