I Could Be The Hottest Young Rookie In NASCAR History Thanks To Days of Thunder

It’s true. I could be the hottest young rookie in NASCAR History.

Mind you, I have never driven a race car, driven a car on the Autobahn, sped more than 20 miles above the speed limit, crashed into a wall, another car (well, except for that one time) and/or worn a helmet with a cool microphone add-on while doing any of the above things.

But here I sit, today, on my couch — and I can’t help but think to myself that with a little know-how, a little dedication and a pit-manager/mentor named Harry, that I could truly be the next hot young rookie in NASCAR History.

What does it take to be a hot young NASCAR rookie, you ask?

Do I have dark hair? Check.
Do I like to take risks? Check.
Do I look good in jump suits? Check.
Am I reckless? Check.
Do I have a devil-may-care attitude? Check.
Am I not claustrophobic? Check.
Do I feel the need for speed? Oh yes.

These things I have. These qualities I possess. But getting a sponsorship is apparently a tough thing to do. You’ve got to already have a car, a money man, a manager, a pit crew and a jumpsuit. Then, once you’ve got all those things you’ve got to win a NASCAR event. Once you’ve done that, THEN and only THEN will you get a sponsorship in addition to a whole slew of fun parties and drinking activities. Then, if you’re really lucky you’ll get pulled over by the cops who really aren’t the cops but just cops in costume, especially the female one who is well, taken by the fact that you’re a young hotshot NASCAR rookie.

If I was the hottest young rookie in the NASCAR circuit, I would use my newfound title for a variety of things. First of all, I’d make up t-shirts that were black typeface on a white shirt that said “YRITNASCARC” which would stand for “young rookie in the NASCAR circuit” and I’d have to pick a decent sized font so all those letters wouldn’t start to hit my pects because if they did then they’d turn up at the corners and people wouldn’t be able to read it. I’d stick with a 10 point Arial font, I think. For a hotshot NASCAR rookie, knowing which font would work on a t-shirt that I would wear under a slightly-open jumpsuit…these are qualities worth having.

Really, the other advantages based on being the YRITNASCARC are numerous and many — except I find myself getting so carried away with the whole t-shirt/jumpsuit/font thing that they pale in comparison.

When I really think about it — being a hotshot NASCAR rookie is cool, but getting to design a font for a t-shirt lauding said NASCAR title would be even cooler.

Like they say, it’s the little things in life.

6 comments on “I Could Be The Hottest Young Rookie In NASCAR History Thanks To Days of Thunder

  1. srah - December 30, 2004 at 3:35 pm -

    I kept trying to read “YRITNASCARC” backwards for some reason. It’s *almost* like “crack sanitary,” although I don’t know why you’d want to say that.

  2. Melissa - December 30, 2004 at 3:58 pm -

    I think the 10 point Arial font would underrepresent the coolness of what you have attained. Besides, it would be a bit small. 10 points would be hard to read on a t-shirt. You’d probably want at least 16 points. But, you’re on the right track. Definitely.

  3. Denise - December 30, 2004 at 4:25 pm -

    Are you sure you want to brag about looking good in a jumpsuit?

  4. Pauly D - December 30, 2004 at 4:51 pm -

    Srah – You found the key to the clue! Keep searching and before you know it, you’ll know the secrets to the Knights of the Templar!!

    As for looking good in a jumpsuit — I’m all about the full-length zipper, baby! Oh yah.

  5. T. Malone - December 31, 2004 at 12:10 am -

    Zippers are so OUT Pauly. Velcro – the key to a good jumpsuit is velcro!

    Oh, and I’ll take 2 “crack sanitary” t-shirts (1 XL, 1 medium – do they come in hot pink? I’d like them to match my jumpsuits).

  6. groovebunny - December 31, 2004 at 9:27 am -

    I don’t mind the idea of you in a jumper Pauly. I’d just suggest staying away from the color orange though because then someone might mistake you for a YTPUOTHIGHWAYC (Young Trash Picker-Upper On The Highway Circut) instead of the YRITNASCARC that you’re going for. 😉

    And NASCAR rocks! Well…I have to admit to not watching the races, but we do collect the little cars. 🙂

    Happy New Years!

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