Let Me Axe You A Question
December 9th, 2004
I would like to axe you a question.
The process, of course, for me to axe you a question requires a little bit of what I call “setup time” in which you write out your question, you place it on some kind of laminated note-card of sorts, and you place it on a wooden table. If you put it on a steel table, me axing you a question really won’t work.
Secondly, once you have placed your question on said wooden table, I will then retreat to my changing room where I will put on some really manly looking overalls and a red and white checkered cotton shirt. I will get my skull cap from the closet and I will put on my gloves.
The third step in preparing myself to axe you a question is to get the axe.
Then, without warning, but right in front of you so as to startle you and axe you a question all at once, I will wield my axe with great force, slamming it down upon your question on the wooden table. If all goes well, my axe will sever your question with great skill, splitting it into two smaller questions. Of course, one question may make sense (i.e., How do you do –?) while the second smaller half of the question I have just axed you might not (i.e., –that thing with your nose and the whistling?).
Either way, it won’t much matter because — yes, I have axed you a question, and it has occurred with such skill and accuracy that the answer to the question I have just axed you, really doesn’t play a part here in the larger scheme of things.
Skeptics might say, “Hey, Paul — really isn’t it true that you didn’t axe me a question, but you axed a question which resulted in two not-so coherent questions?”
To that I say, “for all intensive purposes, let’s just play it by year.”
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In other news, tomorrow brings yet another “Words For Your Enjoyment” — a feature that has graced the pages of WFME for some time now. This week we’re upping the ante a little in that I’m looking for a column suggestion that YOU THINK is just too hard to write about. Something that you think is so complicated, so tough to find the humor in — that you’re CHALLENGING me to do so. And, as always, if WFYE features you startlingly-intelligent suggestion…well, linkage will occur!
“Let me axe you a question” always reminds me of Uncle Jemima’s Mash Liquor from SNL.
Comment by Kathleen — December 9, 2004 @ 9:01 am
Love it Pauly. Especially the for all intensive purposes part. That was great!
Comment by Hilary — December 9, 2004 @ 9:09 am
Pauly now I have visions of you as the Brawny Paper Towel guy.
Do you suppose axe-ing a pacific question would be harder or easier than a regular question? (not a wfye suggestion, just a regular inquiry)
Comment by Erin — December 9, 2004 @ 10:31 am
That is one of my biggest pet peeves. Along with supposebly, heighth, and fixin’ to.
By the way Pauly, I was looking through some of the other humor blogs posted on the Weblog awards page, and they aren’t funny.
In fact: some of them are more political in nature than funny, some link to other people’s sites most in most of the posts, and others are a part of a huge “alliance” of some sort.
I’ll say it again…NOT FUNNY. How did these blogs get nominated?
I think I want the world to be a fairer place than it is.
Comment by Aly — December 9, 2004 @ 11:22 am
Yes, Aly — I will say that most of the blogs on that list are political in nature. I will say that it appears as if they are a part of some one-world governmental blog conspiracy.
I will say that it is all good.
It was just an honor to be nominated.
Comment by Pauly D — December 9, 2004 @ 11:25 am
Hmmm, you could write about chickenpox? No wait, that’s already funny.
How about meningitis? Good luck finding the humor in that!
Comment by Dawn (webmiztris) — December 9, 2004 @ 3:17 pm
hey, I was nominated for best humor and I am nowhere near political. I am also not in some big blog alliance nor do I link to a gazillion things in each post.
It’s sad because I think the blogs at the bottom, myself, WFME and ingrown brain stem are all blogs that deserve to be up higher.
I would write your post about the words “selling out.” Everyone on the planet, at one time or another, accuses someone of selling out. Is someone selling out just by using the words selling out? What the hell does it mean to sell out? Notice how all of these people are selling out but we never hear how much they sold out for or what they sold in the first place?
yeah, write about that. Oh, and even though you’re my competition in the humor category, I went and linked to you on the main page of my site. Why? Because you’re funny.
Is that selling out? You tell me.
Comment by fat dude — December 9, 2004 @ 9:02 pm