Revisiting Solicitors, Part 54A
November 3rd, 2004
I’m a fool, it’s true. But I can’t quite help screwing with people who call me on the phone.
Her: Good evening, is Paul Davidson there?
(This is the moment I decide to act like I’m retarded, for some odd reason. So I break out the long syllables and high-pitched tones and make sure it takes me longer to say absolutely every phrase that leaves my mouth.)
Me: Paaaaaaul Davidssssson.
Her: So, this is Mr. Davidson?
Me: Hi! Who are you?
Her: This is ******** from MBNA America, calling to see if you’d be interested in consolidating debt or getting a lower percentage on your mortgage?
Me: What time is it?
Her: Eight PM, sir.
Me: Nooooooooooo. It’s fiiiiiiiveeeee PM!
Her: Well, I’m in New York. You’re in California.
Me: Hi!
Her: Hello. So, Mr. Davidson - would you be interested in talking to someone about consolidating your debt or getting a lower percentage on your mortgage?
Me: Debbbbbt!
Her: Yes, Mr. Davidson. Debt.
Me: Do you have debt?
Her: I have three kids. Of course I have debt.
Me: I like asparagus.
Her: Mr. Davidson?
Me: Hi!!
Her: Do you want to talk to someone about reducing your mortgage or consolidating your debt?
Me: Who are they?
Her: They are MBNA.
Me: What do you call them?
Her: Uh… MBNA.
Me: Their nammmmmmmme.
Her: MBNA. Sir. Please. Do you want to talk to them or not?
Me: What time is it?
Her: Eight o’ five, sir.
Me: Haha. No it’s not! It’s five o’ five!
Her: Where you’re at, yes. But not in New York.
Me: Do you like dogs?
Her: Mr. Davidson, I’m going to have to hang up now.
Me: But you calllleeeed me! Why are you hanging up?
Her: Unless you want to talk to someone about reducing your mortgage rate or consolidating debt, I’m going to have to hang up on you.
Me: But you called me. Now you want to hang up on me?
Her: Yes, Mr. Davidson.
Me: Hi!!
Her: Hanging up now…
Me: Talk to your supervisor.
Her: Excuse me?
Me: I want to talk to your supervisor.
Her: Gladly.
(A 30 second wait, then-)
Supervisor: Hello?
(Now, my voice changes to normal.)
Me: Hello.
Supervisor: What seems to be the problem?
Me: Well, I get a call from someone who wants to offer me debt consolidation then suddenly is threatening to hang up on me. It’s just strange to me. Her attitude, is obviously, a bit abrasive.
Supervisor: Well, do you want to talk to someone about debt consolidation?
Me: No!
(The phone hangs up.)
Another successful, yet time consuming success!
THANK YOU! You made me laugh! I really needed that today, after last night.
Comment by Ty — November 3, 2004 @ 9:19 am
Oh, Pauly……You’re hysterical.
Comment by lori — November 3, 2004 @ 9:43 am
Why am I surprised that you are not on the Do Not Call list? HA HA!!!!!!!
Comment by monkeyinabox — November 3, 2004 @ 9:47 am
Score:
Pauly D: 205
Marketers: 0
so the game continues…
Comment by Kathleen — November 3, 2004 @ 11:02 am
He needs 270 to win, right?
Comment by Dylan — November 3, 2004 @ 11:16 am
yes, my friend - that is the magic number.
Comment by Kathleen — November 3, 2004 @ 11:41 am
LMAO. Reading that was much better than drowing my sorrows in a gallon of margaritas. Thank you for making me laugh and keeping me sober.
Comment by charm — November 3, 2004 @ 1:08 pm
Funny stuff. I had to hide from my coworkers because I couldn’t help from laughing out loud.
Comment by Ash — November 3, 2004 @ 1:33 pm
Brilliant Pauly! Makes my hangover a little more bearable. Thanks from Down Under.
Comment by Steph — November 3, 2004 @ 1:33 pm
You crack me up, Pauly!
Comment by Kristi — November 3, 2004 @ 2:53 pm