Everybody Is Friends in Hollywoodland
October 13th, 2004
The call came last night, out of the blue, without warning.
Me: Hello?
FPJ: Hey, Paul.
The voice, of course, was unmistakable. My once friend, then best-friend (although he didn’t want to be my best friend), then no-longer my friend thanks to his wife SMG, was on the phone.
Me: Freddie, is that you?
FPJ: It’s me, Paul. It’s me.
SMG: And me, too, Paul.
Startling, at first — a second voice was on the line as well. A surprise conference call, with FPJ and his lifelong SMG. The SMG who I had always believed had hated me.
Me: Guys, I’m- I- I’m not sure what to s-say. I mean, why are you- To what do I owe the-?
DF: I’m here, too - Paul.
Oh, boy. My heart obviously skipped a beat as I realized that David Faustino, whom I had been working with before FPJ and SMG had sabotaged that was on the phone as well!
Me: A three way call! This is insane! You guys are so crazy!!
Now I was laughing this crazy giddy laugh because I couldn’t quite believe it. In Hollywood, people who write you off very often never come back to erase having written you off with the big ‘ol eraser of death. But here, at this moment, while I was sitting in my sweat pants eating ice cream and watching Veronica Mars, I couldn’t stop from shaking. I was on the phone in a four-way call with Freddie Prinze, Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Faustino! Why were they calling?
And then, out of nowhere, the three of them started singing.
Hello, hello, dear Paul!
We’re here, that’s right, us all!
To tell you that we were wrong,
that’s why we wrote this song!
FPJ: I never meant to hurt, dude,
the way I acted was plainly rude,
I probably should have never chosen that end,
but I sure am sorry, and I’ll be your best friend!
SMG: Throwing wasabe, it’s not right nice,
but I’d been stressed, my career was sliced,
but now that I’ve got a movie coming out,
I think you’re nice, that’s what I’ll tout!
DF: And me, Pauly D, it was just peer pressure,
I always thought the two of us did mesh-ure,
and that talking alien stuff was gold,
so let’s get back to it before we get old!
We were wrong and you were right,
your blog did show us up, our fight,
was silly and stupid and all messed up,
hah hah hah hah, biddity boo bup.
And then they hung up.
It showed me one thing. That really, people in Hollywood aren’t nearly as bad as you think they are. Sometimes they have pressure causing them to act crazy. Sometimes their peers or their attractive and awesomely-nice girlfriends affect them in a wrong way. But deep down, they’re great people with big hearts and awesome song-writing skills.
That is, unless of course the call was a ruse. Like, you know, they recorded me getting all excited and sat around at a party letting all their other rich Hollywood friends laugh at me, at my own expense. That the reality of it all was it was their way of getting back at me without me even knowing it. But writing a song, I mean, that takes time! The fact that all three got together to write me a song is at least exciting. Unless, of course, it was easy to write. Unless of course, it was all a ruse. Damnit!
These stars, man. They screw with your head.
You’re so lucky! I can never get famous actors to call me up and sing me a song.
Then again, that may get annoying after a while, wouldn’t you think?
Who do you thin the ringleader of that thressome was that put that together?
Comment by That Guy — October 13, 2004 @ 9:40 am
Well, I think FPJ always loved to sing — so I think he was the ringleader for the apology singing circle.
Comment by Pauly D — October 13, 2004 @ 9:52 am
I would think that in the business you’re in, almost everyday something happens where you say, “Nope, never seen that before.”
Comment by That Guy — October 13, 2004 @ 1:57 pm
You know, I was just looking at the picture at the top and I can’t help but wonder - “Why do all the pretty people have small, tan heads?”
Story of my life.
Comment by Pauly D — October 13, 2004 @ 2:05 pm
Pauly D…your own head doesn’t really look that tan in the picture above. Perhaps it’s the make-up that SMG, FPJ, and DF are wearing in their made-up Hollywood photos.
Comment by Andrea — October 13, 2004 @ 8:04 pm
Any thoughts on FPJ being on Boston Whatever with William Shatner?
Comment by Kathleen — October 13, 2004 @ 9:24 pm
you know pauly you’re always writing about SMG as if she and your ex best friend were REAL celebrities.
I’m pretty sure most of the planet offically hate them. I don’t think you lost much when you lost “FJP’S Friendship.”
BUT you know what you might lose??
An avid reader IF YOU DON’T POST MORE ED NORTON ENCOUNTERS IMMEDIATELY!
AAHH!
Thanks.
Btw Duff blows.
Comment by KD — October 14, 2004 @ 10:05 pm
Glad to see you are all getting along, do you want to see The Grudge this weekend?
Comment by MJ — October 19, 2004 @ 3:12 pm
The only reason I will not be seeing “The Grudge” is because if I do I will scream like a little girl and have nightmares from now until the end of my natural life.
I mean, did you see the trailer? There’s some white hand coming out of the back of SMG’s head!!
Creeeeepy.
Comment by Pauly D — October 19, 2004 @ 3:19 pm