Today’s Ban
August 25th, 2004
I would just like to take a moment to ban something.
Today, I would like to ban standing ovations in movies. The kind of standing ovations that come at the end of a particularly stressful speech scenario as illustrated in such great standing-ovations-at-the-end-movies like Scent of a Woman, The Girl Next Door, In and Out, Mr. Holland’s Opus, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and many many many many many more. (These are scenes within the movie itself where characters get up and perform a standing ovation.)
Nobody takes part in standing ovations in the real world, and if they do it’s because they feel guilty because someone else stood up. Nobody in the right mind wants to stand up at a seated event. They don’t. And so I have chosen to ban standing ovations in movies, for today.
Next week’s ban…unnecessary last minute kissing sequences between two characters that have not met each other throughout the whole movie although the male part of said duo has been obsessed with said co-star through dream sequences throughout the entire film and gets up the courage to just rush towards her and kiss her in the last 10 minutes of the movie.
But that’s next week’s ban, so let’s not get all carried away or anything.
Sheesh, next you’re going to ban people that fall down while running away from monsters or something. Don’t you know how hard it is to run in a horror movie?!
Comment by Katherine — August 25, 2004 @ 7:22 pm
When I read the first sentence of this post, I thought you were banning standing ovations in movie THEATERS. And I was right there with you, babe. I don’t like it when people stand up and applaud at the end of a movie. It makes me uncomfortable for some reason. Sometimes I even get little chill bumps when it happens. And that’s a bad sign, because I only get little chill bumps when something really makes me uncomfortable.
And it just doesn’t make sense to give a movie a standing ovation*. I wanna yell “hello, stupid people. It’s a MOVIE. There’s no one even four degrees of separation connected with this film here in this MonsterPlex in Texas. No one can HEAR you.” It’s kinda like “if a tree falls in the woods.
*the two exceptions to this statement are 1) if there is someone connected to the film in the audience (actor, producer, writer, best boy, etc…) and B) if the film is Fahrenheit 911. Then it’s OK to stand up and clap your little heart out.
Comment by Lori — August 25, 2004 @ 7:48 pm
while you’re at it could you ban some people? start with halle berry and cameron diaz.
Comment by Enigma — August 26, 2004 @ 5:57 pm