I Swallowed Ink

I swallowed ink, and have lived to tell the tale.

I was probably 12. I was sitting on the couch watching television. I was chewing on the end of a Bic pen, happily chew-chew-chewing away. Somewhere around the time that Chuck Woolery gave his trademark “we’re back in two and two”, I tasted a strange taste in my mouth.

Aren’t those sense memories wonderful? Chuck Woolery and a strange taste in my mouth. (I’ll leave that one alone for now.)

When I pulled the Bic pen from my mouth, a stream of ink followed. I placed my fingers in my mouth, removed them, and saw that they were covered in stark blue ink. I absolutely freaked. I ran to my mother’s room and with my mouth wide open, blue ink dripping from all corners, said something like:

“Aaaah jussssffffbbb sfffalllowwwwed chhhhink!”

Although she had no idea what I was saying, she could obviously see the fountain of goo spilling forth from thee’s mouth and (like mother, like son), absolutely freaked.

“Oh my god, what did you do!?”

“Aaaah jussssffffbbb sfffalllowwwwwed chhhhink!”

I pulled my “invisible” retainer from my mouth (invisible, my ass) and I showed that it, too, had been stained bright blue.

“Maaaaaah reccchhaaainer!”

“Forget about your retainer! What did you do!?”

I just pointed to my mouth as my mother frantically searched the house. Pulling books off shelves, looking for that elusive You’ve Just Been Poisoned: The Next Five Steps book that, maybe existed in her head, but in the reality of the situation, didn’t exist at all.

She called my father, she called our neighbor, she called the doctor and called the hospital. She called and called and called and called (four calls) and eventually got her answer.

1. Rinse mouth out with water.
2. Rinse mouth out with water, again.
3. Take pen away from adolescent.
4. Slap adolescent.
5. Remove adolescent’s retainer, throw in garbage, ask “What did you do?” four more times.

In the end, I learned an extremely lesson that dark day during my childhood. Swallowing ink totally won’t kill you. You could swallow a whole Bic pen’s ink reservoir and probably not even get poisoned. You can even use such information years later in college when you’re bet $150 to swallow a Bic pen’s ink reservoir and become quickly known as “that ink-swallowing guy.”

My stomach hurts just thinking about it.

30 comments on “I Swallowed Ink

  1. Enigma - July 31, 2004 at 10:33 am -

    man, i thought of something so incredibly pc when i read “Aaaah jussssffffbbb sfffalllowwwwwed chhhhink!” But i’ll keep my gay porn moments to myself.

  2. Frierson - July 31, 2004 at 1:33 pm -

    I got stabbed in the cheek with a pencil in the third grade (it was an accident, I think) and the little blue dot caused by the lead is still there more than 20 years later.

    I’m no longer friends with the guy that did it, and I’m still plotting my revenge.

  3. INK SUX - August 1, 2004 at 9:32 pm -

    I see that my old nemesis Mr. Ink has also wreaked havoc in your life, Brother.

    Take comfort in knowing that I too have lived to tell the tale. You see, I had the misfortune of gagging on ink in one of the worst possible places: right in the middle of the SATs my Junior year of highschool.

    The Proctor insisted on doing CPR. I wasn’t choking, but he couldn’t understand me when I told him that. Instead, the bastard pinned me to the ground and mashed his lips against mine, forcing his stanky hot breath into my mouth. I’ll never forgive him for that. Ick. Makes me shiver just thinking about it.

    (It was such a shock that I let out a small shriek. My soon to be ex-girlfriend said people thought I moaned.)

    Sure that I wasn’t going to die, he removed his lip-lock and said I should be thankful to him for recently taking a CPR refresher course. Then he chastised me in front of everyone and kicked me out of the test-room. As he explained, I brought it on myself – after all, I was cavorting with “a ball point pen in a number 2 pencil world.”

    In time, I got over it. Pens are my friends once again.

    But Proctors? Can’t stand ’em.

  4. No Name - August 2, 2004 at 6:47 pm -

    I did it in church

  5. groovebunny - August 2, 2004 at 11:07 pm -

    What I great entry! I haven’t laughed that hard since reading…well your last entry before that. What a talent you have! 😀

  6. C(h)ristine - August 3, 2004 at 9:25 pm -

    …but did it stain your “invisible” retainer? Did you have blue tinted retainers from then on?

  7. Jade - December 8, 2004 at 10:16 pm -

    wow. i just accidentaly did it like 5 mins ago. I freaked out rinsed my mouth with water about 10 times. then drank about 4 cups of water. yuck! I will NEVER chew on a pen again. Im glad to know I wont die now though, lol.

  8. Trese - January 3, 2005 at 11:11 am -

    Thanks…I just got a call from my daugther’s school that she has ink in her mouth…I am glad to know THAT is not what is going to kill her…..smile

  9. Daine - January 5, 2006 at 9:00 pm -

    My little sister just came running down the stairs in hysterics because she was (guess what) chewing on a pen and got the ink in her mouth. I did a search on whether or not it would be poisonous and this came up. Thanks for the first-hand account! I, also, am glad to know that this is not what’s going to kill her.

  10. Phil - May 12, 2006 at 10:51 am -

    Haha, I just did this same thing at work chewing on a pen. Googled it and this is the first thing that came up. Good to know I’m not dying, though my mouth is blue.

  11. vanessa - May 16, 2006 at 1:02 am -

    ok well i was just chewing on my pen and the ink is everywher in my mouth i thought i was gonna die of the ink and now my mouth is blak and taste funny and i drank water

  12. alyssa - October 10, 2006 at 10:11 pm -

    hah today at school i was chewing on my RED pen and it exploded in my mouth and then it exploded in my mouth and i swallowed it all and then a few seconds later i threw it up all over the floor and then the bell rang and i had to walk threw the halls with red all over my face and my shir…everyone thought i was bleeding..and also i never got to wash my mouth out and my mouth turned numb for like the rest of the day…..my stomache still hurts and i did it like 7 or 8 hours ago..i hope im fine..iv also been very dizzy…very gross tasting!

  13. Doug - November 24, 2006 at 11:43 am -

    Wierd, I was just chewing a pen and tasted something wierd.. yeah the pen exploded!! I came on here right away to google to see if it would be toxic and this was the first thing to come up.. I’m glad i dont have to go to the hospital or have a long talk with god today haha.. 😀 thanks for creating this site!

  14. briannnna - December 17, 2006 at 12:40 am -

    hahah i did that tonight.. i was chewing on this gel pen and of course, ink poured into my mouth. i freaked out and spit it everywhere on my desk, went to the bathroom rinsed out my mouth a few times and brushed my teeth for about 5 minutes.. hahaha =] good thing to know that i wont die.

  15. ewan - April 21, 2007 at 2:52 pm -

    i’ve had many many manyyy ink related accidents, i never really thought anything of it really. Just rinsed my mouth out and ignored it. Super glue on your lips is a lot less fun.

  16. rhadoo - May 12, 2007 at 12:00 pm -

    i swalloed ink 2 days ago while chewing on a pen. all that evening i burped with ink taste. yesterday it seemed to have cleared, tonight again. wtf?

  17. Thankful Mom - May 20, 2007 at 7:50 pm -

    Like many of the others who’s had to deal with the whole “ink in the mouth” fiasco; I immediately googled the subject -after “thoroughly cleansing” my toddlers mouth; which was covered in ink- and this was the first thing to come up. I had a strong sense that this episode did not require a trip to the local “ER” but as a mom you could never be to sure….plus the wait time to talk to an nurse on “Telehealth” -in my experience- is much, much to long.

    Thanks for providing the confirmation I needed at that stresfsul moment.

  18. Mia - July 28, 2007 at 9:29 pm -

    Lol, glad you had this wrote. No more then twenty minutes ago had I swallowed some gel pen ink. Ew. I went right on the internet and googled it. Glad it wasnt poisoness!

  19. Jess - August 11, 2007 at 12:08 pm -

    Glad to know my 6 y/o and I won’t be taking a trip to the ER.

    1. Rinse mouth out with water.
    2. Rinse mouth out with water, again.
    3. Take pen away from adolescent.
    4. Slap adolescent.
    5. Remove adolescent’s retainer, throw in garbage, ask “What did you do?” four more times.

    Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened. :p

  20. Alex - August 25, 2007 at 11:42 pm -

    Well it is 2:30 in the morning and I was working on a school project cramming 2 days before school starts when i accedentaly suck on the end of the pen and a crapload of ink goes into my mouth, I am smart enough not to swallow for fear of getting horribly sick or dieing and so I go into the bathroom and wash my mouth out with soap and scrup it until my tounge is raw. When i had finished scrubbing I immediatly went to the computer (and not my parents haha) and searched the subject, this came up and I am thanking god right now, with my mouth closed and still not swallowing, but atleast I know i will be fine.

  21. Matt - September 11, 2007 at 5:15 am -

    Well, like most of you I too just swallowed a lot of ink out of my trusted pen… whilst on the phone to a customer!!! my bottom lip is now stained blue, my teeth I have just about managed to scrub up but the end of my tounge still has a slightly wierd taste / tingly sensation… I hope that the ink washes off of it some way or another!!! I have tried to scrub it off with a finger nail for the last 10 minutes!! =[

  22. tsand - February 23, 2008 at 12:53 pm -

    yesterday, i looked up facts and i ran across one that said congesting small amounts of ink over an extended period will slightly change your eye color.im black and i have brown eyes,but i can see the color when i shine a flashlight in my eyes.but trust me,u wont die,but itll change ur eye color

  23. Annie - November 26, 2008 at 9:07 am -

    lol!
    this happened to me at school todaay.
    i bit on my gel pen and all the ink just flowed into my mouth
    so i went to the toilet and rinsed my mouth out.
    i hadd a very black tongue haha
    glad to know i’m not gunna die though,
    all those myths about ink poisingg .. a load of shit.
    well yeaah! if you drink a whole bottle of freaking parkers ink!!!

  24. Anonymous - February 12, 2018 at 5:39 am -

    lol!
    this same thing happened to me during technology class one day, except the ink was metallic pink, so when i asked the teacher in garbled speech if i could go to the bathroom, everybody thought i had a major nosebleed. I actually was sucking on the end of the ink thing to see what would happened and i sucked for to long. I swear i was in the bathroom for half and hour rubbing ink off my teeth, mouth, and tongue.

  25. cooly - March 6, 2018 at 3:17 pm -

    OMGosh that was the scaryiest thing I’v ever read

  26. Ink swallower - October 12, 2018 at 11:01 am -

    I swallowed ink and I came to this page now I’m just a bit terrified!

  27. Kayla - October 22, 2018 at 11:25 am -

    it did not work

  28. inky mouth - November 3, 2018 at 7:39 pm -

    i did it like 5 mins ago in church.ewwww

  29. Never again. - November 13, 2018 at 2:09 pm -

    I actually swallowed ink today. that is why i looked this up. I was drawing a picture, and my pen wasn’t working, so i took it apart. Then i sucked on the back end to see what would happen. My mouth was bright green.

  30. Anonymous - December 5, 2018 at 5:45 am -

    I was giving a pen a blowjob then it split its cum over me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.