To Fold Or Not To Fold

I cannot fold a shirt to save my life.

I’m not talking about taking a shirt, laying it down on the bed (face down), and slowly and methodically pushing one arm over, then the other, then lifting the bottom up to the middle and the neck line down over that. That’s folding for sissies.

I’m talking about those people who used to work in THE GAP and BANANA REPUBLIC and ABERCROMBIE & FITCH and can pick up a shirt, in mid-air, flip this and flip that and lay it back down on a table in the most awesome-ist, perfect shape ever. These people are my Gods.

I have stood in place with people giving me step by step tips on how to fold a shirt in mid-air, but it always ends up in tragedy, with me and the shirt crumpled up on the ground in a ball of depression. Sure, people are more than happy to offer up a “folding board” for me…

A folding board? You might as well hand me a bike with training wheels and I’d feel just as silly as when you hand me that “I am retarded and can’t fold a shirt in mid-air” training aide. A folding board is like wearing floaties on your arm in a pool. A folding board is like going scuba diving with a scuba instructor holding onto you. A folding board is like jumping out of a plane in tandem with someone who will pull the cord for you.

I will not step forward and accept a folding board. No way, no how.

However, I still can’t fold a damn shirt in mid-air to save my life. And although I continue to try on a daily basis as I pull my warmed clothing from the dryer… It ends up in chaos.

To fold or not to fold… That is the question.

9 comments on “To Fold Or Not To Fold

  1. Flava Fabe - July 20, 2004 at 5:32 pm -

    word.

    and on an unrelated note, I could never pass off the sideways hat look in a million years. not the way britney or redman do it. they’re naturals, while i look like short bus material.

    people who fold well don’t have to wear their hats sideways to look cool – but if they did choose to slide that hat to the side, they’d probably look about a thousand times awesomer.

  2. groovebunny - July 21, 2004 at 12:04 am -

    Life’s too short to worry about properly folded shirts. That’s what hangers are for. 🙂

  3. Andrea - July 21, 2004 at 7:26 am -

    Ah-ha! Now there’s one thing I can do better than you…and I have never worked at Abercrombie, The GAP, or any other trendy clothing store. You go back to being the “word master” and I’ll go downstairs and fold laundry with super-quick speed, and in mid-air.

  4. monkeyinabox - July 22, 2004 at 10:05 am -

    Here’s your early birthday present

    http://www.jengajam.com/r/shirt-folding

  5. Pauly D - July 22, 2004 at 11:58 am -

    That’s just plain AWESOME!

  6. Bathing Ape - August 28, 2004 at 3:55 am -

    Beverly Hills Pimps and Ho’s started as a production partnership, capturing behind-the-scenes exploits of the Beverly Hills social scene. It has now evolved into a lifestyle brand of street inspired clothing, where anyone can be a pimp, but the ladies are all honeys.
    Also getting buzz is brandnew clothingline Bastard Child , started as a skateboard company but is now one of the hottest trends on the West Coast. When you think of extreme sports you think of “Bastard Child.”
    Bathing Ape -With BAPE hotel wishes, BAPE Café New York dreams, and a new London boutique finally a reality, A Bathing Ape creator Nigo is the next self-appointed fashion ambassador for trendy Tokyoites. But is the rest of the planet ready for this simian-inspired lifestyle?

  7. Jake - January 20, 2006 at 9:29 pm -

    I was in the armed forces for 6 years. I still have nightmares about folding shirts! Part of my therapy includes wearing heavily creased shirts to work. I still have the occasional traumatic flash-back but I’m getting over the anally-retentive inclination to iron each shirt for 1 hour!

  8. karen - January 26, 2007 at 3:23 pm -
  9. Baiba - February 28, 2008 at 9:45 am -

    How funny, I found this post while I was looking on Google to actually purchase a folding board!! I spent some time as a Gap employee in the early nineties and though I can fold a mean shirt in the air any ex Gap employee will tell you there is nothing like a crisp clean folding board fold. I was dissapointed to see that I cannot find one like I used to use (only one that makes shirts into Oragami projects) so I am going to have to make one myself. I was however entertained by your blog and will keep coming back for entertainment.

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