Thursday’s Insecure Singles Ad

I am a SWM who loves walks in the park, live music, books and movies, candy and sushi. You love being silly and have a great sense of humor. You are close with your family. You prefer to laugh for hours than fight for minutes. You love walks in the park and live music, as well as books and movies and candy and sushi.

Oh, damn. I already said that. Well, I said that twice. Does that make me look stupid?

I sometimes say things more than once for dramatic effect. That’s why I do it. You love drama. You don’t love bad drama but you love good drama, the kind you would see on Dallas or a more up to date television drama. I do like TV, really I do. The only reason I mentioned Dallas was because that was one of the most widely watched TV dramas ever. I’m not one of those 80’s obsessed guys. But was Dallas even really from the 80’s? Damn, I don’t know. You love people who can admit to not knowing. You so do. Right?

Ok, so I ramble. But really, I don’t mind someone who rambles. You love ramblers. Not the car, the people. You love talking and talking into the wee hours of the morning with music playing in the background and candles burning but you don’t like the smell of burning, meaning houses burning down to the ground. I am a SWM who does not have arson-like tendencies. I have never been a fan of burning things or fire or anything that destroys. Those matchbooks I have in my kitchen drawer are only for candles. Seriously. No other use but for candles.

You are a friend to all living things. You love animals and cannot stomach those who try to harm them. You love movies with talking animals and movies about animals that can communicate with human beings like Dr. Doolittle. I don’t like remakes of old movies, however, so I prefer the earlier version of the talking animal/human movie and not the one with Eddie Murphy. You like Eddie Murphy but prefer to see him on stage in concert and not in family-friendly movies.

I am a SWM who loves his family but does not like family-friendly movies because they appeal to the lowest common denominator. You are OK with that. You should be. I’m a nice guy. I’m not a mama’s boy, though. But you know that. Especially if you’re the right one for me.

I worry that this ad is too long. But I am a SWM with a love for words and the way in which one can string them all together. You love words. You love to use them everyday. You are a glass half-full of words type SWF. You could sit around for hours, just talking about words or putting them onto a Scrabble board. I am a fan of board games but I am not a hermit who sits at home all day long. You should know that I have lots and lots and lots of friends and go out all the time and am out until the wee hours of the morning and I am a hip and happening guy. You like hip and happening guys who, sometimes but very rarely, like to sit at home and watch TV.

You like me. Seriously, you do. I’m sure you do. You have to. You really have to. You would like me. I know you would. Right? You so would.

In other news, “Words For Your Enjoyment” is right back atcha tomorrow. I may pore through last week’s unused suggestions, but I’m still open to new ones. Ohhh, the horror.

4 comments on “Thursday’s Insecure Singles Ad

  1. groovebunny - July 8, 2004 at 12:54 pm -

    Haha! That was so clever and I can’t stop laughing. 😀

  2. Diann - July 9, 2004 at 9:44 am -

    Hilarious, as usual!

    (Did you get any responses?)

  3. Pauly D - July 9, 2004 at 9:52 am -

    Sadly, no responses.

    Must have been something I said.

  4. Boone - July 9, 2004 at 2:01 pm -

    I was poring over this and my joy poured out when I discovered you’d corrected the spelling mistake!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.