-He is to Whitening what George Hamilton is to Brownening

-He would never say, “Half-day, eh?”

-The chorus of “The Gambler” is one catchy little rigmarole. I will contemplate its eternal wisdom til the day I die… which sort of dovetails into:

-With his shiny visage and quixotic catchphrases, Uncle Kenny has all the allure of a cult leader/televangelist. Now I’m not necessarily a cult kinda guy. But if Kenny started a cult, I think I might have to take a spiritual time out and hear what the Gambler Man has to say about the Universe, afterlife, fried chicken, etc. I mean, LOOK at how white that dude is. He’s practically glowing.

-If Kenny Rogers were my uncle, I’d consider myself the luckiest man alive. The excitement might cause some adverse effects - like, say constipation, or perhaps a return of that pesky nervous giggle I paid good money to Dr. Fleischl to get rid of - but it would be sooooo worth it. I mean, imagine the bragging rights: “Wow Bill, is that a new car? Did I ever tell you Kenny Rogers is my UNCLE?” or “That’s OK, Tara. I only like you as a friend too. And Kenny Rogers is my UNCLE.” or, how about “Actually, I DO know how fast I was going, officer. I was going Kenny-Rogers-Is-My-Uncle miles per hour, bitch.”

Paul,
Thanks for having the bravery to imagine, if for just a brief glimpse, what it could possibly be like to have the Kenmeister as an Uncle. It is exactly this kind of social activism that is sorely missing from a lot of the blogs out there today. It’s like they’re afraid of talking about REAL issues and REAL realities.

You keep bringing me back Pauly, you keep bringing…

…me …

…

… back.

-Faberhorn of Nalgania

Whoa, the first time I read that I thought it was a euphemism for Kenny Rogers having, you know, kicked the bucket. Of chicken. But he’s still alive (according to imdb). Phew.