Words For Your Enjoyment: Trump
April 2nd, 2004
Like lemmings, pushing their way to the ocean and their untimely death…so too do we, with our weekly edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment”.
This week’s post was inspired by ideas submitted by our loyal reader Chase, who suggested some conversation about Trump and his wish to trademark the phrase, “You’re Fired”.
Instead, there’s something else I’d rather discuss.
Trump’s hair.
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I have been there, just like you, standing in line somewhere where the wind is blowing and some guy is standing in front of you with the most insane comb-over ever. I stare, trying to find the beginning and end of the hair. Does it start at the back, pushed to the front? Start at the front, combed to the back? Hair plugs? Sprayed on?
Then of course, there’s that moment when a huge gust of wind blows, answering the question. On one particular day in question, I marveled at lengths of hair (all originating from one side of the individual’s head) flowing and blowing — they must have been grown out to at least 2 feet long.
Scary.
Even scarier? Trump’s head of hair. What’s going on there? I mean, I pause my TiVo regularly when there’s a good close-up shot of his head…just trying to find where it begins and where it ends. It’s like a huge head of brown-colored cotton candy, just plopped atop his head. It doesn’t move, no matter the wind coefficient. It does shift, no matter where he deposits his weight. It stays, solid.
As a result, I have consulted with a variety of hair-care professionals in an attempt to figure out just how such a hair-do could sustain all the wheeling and dealing that Mr. Trump takes part in. And as a result of these consultations, there are three possible reasons for his solid-cotton candy headed wispy head-cover:
1. It is a weave, glued in place.
2. It is all CGI, provided by the wonderful people at NBC.
3. Trump is a robot.
Did you ever notice, how when he says “You’re Fired!” he says it with the same tone? Uses the same hand movement? Maybe Trump is a robot. Maybe that’s why there’s really no answer to any of my questions.
I could be onto something.
trump is hosting SNL tomorrow night. maybe they’ll get down to the bottom of this troubling issue…
Comment by chase — April 2, 2004 @ 11:40 am
Not about the hair at all, but yet another quirk about Trump…
I used to work for a cosmetic company whose offices were adjacent to the Plaza Hotel, which was owned (and may still be, I’m not sure) by Donald Trump. He used to make a couple of trips a day between his office in Trump Tower and the Plaza, so I used to see him on the street a lot. (He is a short, short man, and his hair is *really* like that.) One day one of my co-workers and I were chatting with one of his drivers — he was in a meeting at the Plaza — and co-worker said, “is this one of his cars?” “Check this out,” said the driver, and tapped on one of the smoked glass passenger windows. We peered into it, only to discover a pattern of the word “TRUMP” embossed repeatedly into the tinting. Thousands of tiny little TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP TRUMPs.
That was one of the first moments I suspected that something was not quite right with the Donald. Of course, his big fugly building on 57th Street and Fifth Avenue should have clued me in long before that.
Comment by Bakerina — April 2, 2004 @ 5:13 pm
Not that I watch reality tv obsessively or anything (Cause I don’t. I can stop anytime. Really) BUT, I happened to be watching the Apprentice and the Donald was on a golf course and a nice gust of wind picked his hair up and GASP, he had plenty o’ hair!
Now, as a hair care professional, I am appalled by his hair. It looks like he colors it at home with a home brew of powdered Tang and dirt and don’t even get me started on the style. I’ve never figured it out. Ever. It’s brushed forward, then back, then pushed forward… WTF?
For a man with a load of money, it’s just not right.
Comment by Lena — April 2, 2004 @ 5:50 pm
The Donald was on SNL last night and I was having some of the very same thoughts about his hair. Personally, I think he needs to fire his hair dresser. Whatever he’s got going on there, it’s hideous!!!
Comment by Robbie — April 4, 2004 @ 9:56 am
If I had his money I would get a good transplant
done, come on donald, give it up already…
Comment by Gary — April 12, 2004 @ 10:09 am
I know why Donald Trump’s hair looks strange. When he was married to his first wife Ivana she sent him to have “scalp reduction surgery”. In my opinion it didn’t turn out very well. Actually a good hair weave could be an option for him. And that odd color has got to go. For a guy that likes a lot of positive attention the hair just doen’t make sense.
Comment by kerry — December 7, 2004 @ 9:23 pm