Throat Scratching and Gleek

I would like to take a few minutes tonight to explain to you why people misunderstand my “talents” as “freakish quirks”.

I don’t mind telling you that I am unique and sociable. Happy and friendly. Extremely aware of my surroundings, sometimes so much so that I can tell you if there’s dust falling on your shoulder. But at the center of my uniqueness are two talents that boggle the mind. Seriously, I should be on Ripley’s Believe It or Not. Or not.

A big shout out to any of you who know how to scratch your throats. Can you do it? It’s so hard to explain how I do it, but the sound is something like a mix between Donald Duck and a dying mallard who was just shot out of the sky. First, a tickle in my throat. An itch. But if you’re not a model, and not used to sticking your finger down your throat — well, you just can’t find a way to battle the scratch. That is, unless you know how to scratch your throat. For those who do it, please step up and agree with me that it’s an amazing talent to have within your powers. For those who can’t — here are the steps to do it:

1. Close your mouth.

2. Clench your teeth together.

3. Tense up the muscles at the back of your throat.

4. With your throat closed, pull air in, causing the strange duck sounds.

5. Repeat and continue until the itch is gone.

Congratulations! You’ve done it! Your days of itchy throats is now over.

As for gleeking, well there’s very few people who can do it as successfully as I can. Some have tried and failed. What is gleeking? It is when you can spray a stream of liquid from underneath your tongue. Sometimes, you may have done it by accident while eating a sour candy — liquid does a quick spray from underneath your tongue. But I can do it on command. And the stream goes as high as 4 feet over my head, as far as 10 feet. How do you do it?

1. Eat a sour candy.

2. When finished or while eating it, chew on the edge of your tongue. You’ll get that tingly feeling in your jaw or under your tongue.

3. Bend the tip of your tongue backwards and below your top row of teeth.

4. Use your tongue muscle to push from underneath your tongue.

5. Walla!

Keep in mind — people may think you’re gross or spitting at them. This is totally untrue. In fact, you are spraying CLEAR SALIVA. Spit is saliva mixed with throat juice. But gleek is simply pure, perfect saliva. If you ever find yourself without a way to wash your hands, well, just gleek into them and you’re home free.

I’m glad I was able to take the time tonight to teach. They always say the world needs more teachers and so I feel as though I have done my part this evening.

Next month’s class syllabus will be available next week on the site.

In other news, it appears as if I am no longer having those “I have nothing to say” issues.

84 comments on “Throat Scratching and Gleek

  1. C(h)ristine - March 11, 2004 at 10:07 pm -

    *blink*

  2. Pauly D - March 13, 2004 at 4:30 pm -

    Although there are tons of meanings for your response, it could be alluded that someone just gleeked in your eye.

  3. Lena - March 14, 2004 at 5:37 pm -

    Ah, the throat scratch! I, too, create frightening sounds in order to scratch my throat. I don’t do it quite the way you do, suffice it to say it’s just plain scary. My cats even stare at me in horror. Thank god they are the only creatures who have actually ever heard me do it.

  4. Anonymous - March 18, 2004 at 5:46 pm -

    Can you swallow in reverse? I bet you can!

  5. Pauly D - March 18, 2004 at 5:51 pm -

    Dear anonymous poster – how I wish I DID know how to swallow in reverse!

    If you know how, please return and illustrate!

  6. a.brain - March 19, 2004 at 4:45 pm -

    swallow in reverse…must be puking

  7. Nic R. - May 2, 2004 at 4:12 am -

    Hello,

    I, too, can gleek and have been able to on command since I was 6. I never thought about it being pure saliva though. That puts an interesting spin on how to look at it. Anyways, thanks for posting a site that showed me I wasn’t alone in the gleeking ability.

  8. Dr. Googlyottenheimerschmidtsenbergerstein. - July 13, 2004 at 5:02 pm -

    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
    i like pie.
    THE END/

    me gleak can too.

  9. groovebunny - July 13, 2004 at 10:58 pm -

    I think being able to scratch one’s throat is a inheirited gift. Much like being able to blow ones nose and sound like a foghorn.

  10. Mary Jane - August 10, 2004 at 2:51 pm -

    This is a true story about gleeking: A friend of mine, we’ll call him Bruno, is a gay male escort. He recently forwarded me an e-mail from a client who was into gleeking. It turned out all that this man wanted was for Bruno to “gleek” on his nipples while he jerked off.
    Before we had read this web site we didn’t know the true meaning of the word “gleek” and Bruno had in turn gone through with the meeting.
    Bruno had collected lots of spit in his mouth and been shooting it through his gap in the two front teeth. The man never told him the real meaning of gleek.
    I know it sounds like a crazy tale…but why else would I end up on this site.???

  11. George Gyles - August 10, 2004 at 11:09 pm -

    This might sound like a lie, but It true. I also have been gleeking since I was very young. Can do it on command, often doing to mess with people.
    When I was 18 I started dating a girl, she hit me the face a couple times. Lets just say I was shocked, we would gleek at each other all the time. It was a very sad breck up.

  12. Humpy von Humperstein - August 11, 2004 at 4:51 pm -

    Gleekers are freakers.
    Give yourself a break.
    Nobody does it better.

  13. jimi - October 16, 2004 at 6:06 pm -

    see, i always thought it was called “gleeTing”

  14. Penis man - October 26, 2004 at 12:27 pm -

    im gay

  15. EtherealMoon - November 5, 2004 at 7:55 pm -

    Ha. Since I was a little kid I could do both, and never knew the term for these traits. Good to know it’s a rarity.
    *Makes stupid mallard sounds*

  16. steph - November 16, 2004 at 7:46 pm -
  17. boble sentery 3 - December 8, 2004 at 7:42 pm -

    i to can gleek i mess with my friends all the time its great

  18. G.O.B. - February 5, 2005 at 11:01 pm -

    http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=gleet
    “a thin morbid discharge as from a wound or especially chronic gonorrhea”

    I checked out that definition; man I don’t want to be on the receiving end of your gleek EtherealMoon…and I think I’ll continue to call it gleeking.

  19. dude - February 7, 2005 at 1:44 pm -

    No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to gleek on command. These comments have helped a little but it is still really hard. HELP!

  20. dude - February 7, 2005 at 1:44 pm -

    No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to gleek on command. These comments have helped a little but it is still really hard. HELP!

  21. dude - February 7, 2005 at 1:45 pm -

    No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to gleek on command. These comments have helped a little but it is still really hard. HELP!

  22. sled - February 26, 2005 at 7:08 am -

    bight

  23. sausage_panties - March 4, 2005 at 9:00 am -

    Woah!!! thats rad man!!! sweet

  24. jeh meh - March 8, 2005 at 8:26 pm -

    is there anyway oyu can get people sick by gleeking i mean all my friends think its nasty but i think its funny

  25. ME NAME - March 9, 2005 at 5:49 pm -

    I know how to gleek too but my friend can do it better. He just learned and he can do it about 12 feet.

    But I can scratch my throat like you but I do it a little different. I swallow backwards while holding my tongue back kind of like Im about to gleek.

    Everyone at school doesn’t believe that it is called gleeking they just think its plain spilt.

  26. Beth - March 21, 2005 at 6:03 pm -

    If gleeking is something you truly enjoy doing, as I did, I would advise you against getting your tongue pierced. I, personally, haven’t been able to do it successfully since. Damn sublingual ball blocks my stream!

    I am shamed…

  27. Beth - March 21, 2005 at 6:15 pm -

    Scratch that last comment. Turns out I was just afraid to use the force necessary since tearing the underside of my tongue while healing from the piercing.

    heh, oops…

  28. gleek fan - April 27, 2005 at 8:51 pm -

    hi i recently found out about gleeking through one of my friends at school, he can gleek on command upwards of ten feet. i caught him doing it to me once and so i forced him to tell me how he did it.
    he told me to press down on the saliva gland under my tongue using the tip of my tongue, while doing this he said to open my mouth and inhale then exhale and hold it for a second or two and finally flip your tongue up and press it on the roof of my mouth. it works occasionally but i wish i could do it better. please help me to gleek better.

  29. bob - May 10, 2005 at 5:58 pm -

    this is lame. thanks to gleek fan, i can kinda do it, but it only shoots to the right.

  30. Tomi - May 24, 2005 at 3:59 pm -

    I can make the mallard sounds, but I’m so disappointed because I can’t gleek. It’s tragic really.

  31. miniblog - March 15, 2004 at 1:48 pm -
  32. hamzah amer - August 17, 2005 at 5:08 pm -

    Hey i came on this site yesterday looking on the web on how to gleek well i didnt find out how but a friend at school showed me in geography class its so easy and no u dont need to eat any thing heres ecactly what you do

    1.chew on the tip of ur tounge or all over ur tounge doesnt matter ur just tricking ur brain to think that ur eating something so it releases saliva any way

    2. when ur done chewing on ur tounge open ur mouth a good amount not too high make it high enough ta where ur tounge is still touching the top of ur mouth and lift ur tounge up like ur showing some 1 theres nothing under ur tounge.. bend ur tounge back (make sure its stiff) and push it forward make sure the tip of ur tounge is still touching the top of ur mouth when u do it it takes a lil practise ask some of ur friends if they can show u seems like theres alot of ppl at my school who can do it any way gl wit gleeking the nerds who sit in front of ur geography class >=D im out !

  33. nic - September 2, 2005 at 11:10 am -

    I have to admit, I’m getting just alittle excited.

  34. Andrew - October 28, 2005 at 12:50 pm -

    wow i just sprayed my whole computer screen! SWEET!

  35. Tyler - October 28, 2005 at 11:02 pm -

    I know a friend of mine who has braces and can do it, but he only did it after he got them, so do you need braces to gleek? Because my bottom teeth are crooked and I think that they are in the way of my saliva, like I have 2 tooths infront of my bottom 2 front tooths and I can only do it 1/100 times I try.

  36. Mike - November 2, 2005 at 3:48 pm -

    Grr…I’ve been trying for the past couple days, and I have not succeeded yet. My tongue is sore…lol. I’ve tried yawning, candy, and chewing on my tongue. Nothing works yet…are there any other tips that you could give me to help me out?

  37. Derf - November 5, 2005 at 8:37 am -

    No offense kids, but using candy to help you gleek is cheating. If you have any talent for it at all you don’t need anything to help you do it.

    Also, being able to gleek as far as the author claims to be able to gleek is also not a big deal if you have any talent for gleeking.

  38. Josef Greenberg - November 24, 2005 at 12:14 am -

    yeah, I’ve been able to do it for a few years now. sour skittles work the best. if my salivary glands swell to the point of pain, I can usually get 15 feet. I also wash my hands with my salivary secretions, and was very glad to hear that I’m not the only one. sadly, if you can’t do it, it’s not something you can really learn. if you do it once by accident, try to concentrate on what muscles you used to make it happen.
    happy gleeking

    J.G.

  39. Andy - November 24, 2005 at 9:53 am -

    Ya, wtf i can do it only on accident while im chewing gum or eating something, i can do it sometimes while i look at my self in the mirror and try it. would a pickle work ya think? if you guys got any tips post or email me at yugioh228@comcast.net

  40. bao - November 28, 2005 at 9:48 pm -

    it’s a trick! there is no such thing as gleeking! you guys got me drooling allover my desk

  41. theclintness - December 15, 2005 at 9:42 pm -

    yea i tried putting sour spray on the bottom of my tongue and i can do it when i do that but i can do it on command yet.

  42. Kris - January 4, 2006 at 9:33 am -

    The trick to doing it (at least how I do it) is to hold your jaw/mouth as if you were yawning. Keep your tongue off the bottom of your mouth. When I do this, I can feel the saliva gland building up under my tongue. Then I put the tip of my tongue on the roof of my mouth (back as far as I can), and push forward with the base of the tongue. Squirt!

  43. Emily - January 18, 2006 at 1:09 pm -

    My boyfriend gleeks on me all the time and I hate it. I wish I could do it but I can’t figure it out.

  44. cousy - January 25, 2006 at 5:55 pm -

    uh did it once when i was tryin on the computer but i cant get it to squirt cause my mouth is really wierd……..Gawd i want to be able to like squirt it like more then 5 ft that would be awesome

  45. wayno - January 27, 2006 at 9:22 pm -

    Is it really called gleek? I’ve always been able to do it, and frequently do so. But I never knew it had a name. Then, after doing it about a minute ago while online, i decided to google “shooting moisture from the underside of the tongue,” and this is how i found out about gleeking. It tastes kind of sweet, at least to me.

  46. Julia - January 31, 2006 at 4:50 pm -

    I found your blog when I did a google search for “gleek” because I thought I heard the guy on Wheel of Fortune talk about a contestant who could spray water out of her mouth a long time ago. I realized that I can do that too, but I can only do it on command sometimes. I’ve been trying and trying to do it for my boyfriend who is completely grossed out by the sound of it, but I just can’t lately. I read your instructions and they haven’t worked for me yet, but I’ll keep on trying. And the throat-scratching thing… that’s just plain cool. ๐Ÿ™‚

  47. Julia - January 31, 2006 at 5:03 pm -

    oh! I just start doing it on command again! I figured out that I have to keep my tongue really soft while I bend it in half with the roof of my mouth. Maybe other people having problems doing it should just try keeping their tongues soft.
    Unfortunately my aim isn’t good enough to wash my hands… yet. ๐Ÿ˜€

  48. stevo - February 15, 2006 at 4:13 pm -

    can u give a more in depth on gleeking a been trying a lot but still cant figure it out
    maybe pictures or something

  49. GleekFreek - February 26, 2006 at 2:48 pm -

    Thanks to everybody that gave tips on how to gleek cuz now im gleeking like crazy. I started last night and now i can do it on command!!! My record now is like 11 feet

  50. bob - March 14, 2006 at 8:36 am -

    Thanks to everybody that gave tips on how to gleek cuz now im gleeking like crazy. I started last night and now i can do it on command!!! My record now is like 11 feet

    Comment by GleekFreek รขโ‚ฌโ€ February 26, 2006 @ 2:48 pm

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