As the Oscars rapidly approach, I’d thought I could share a few stories about ridiculous Hollywood players and their insane requests to the underlings that work for them. These are all true, but the names have been removed to protect (not the innocent), but me and my career.
1. Producer #1. Co-chairman of a big media company who has been successful as a result of huge movies and television shows. This guy has gone through assistant after assistant due to his unique and strange obessive compulsive behavior. His big issue? Everything in his office must be level. His assistants must, at all times, have a carpenter’s level with them. He will, many times during the day ask them to come into his office and make sure that all hung paintings are level. If they are not, they are one more warning away from being fired.
2. Producer #2. Huge film producer. Many times he has fired his entire office in one full swoop as a result of a lack of soft drink selection in the fridge. It happens so often now that the entire staff will go up to the roof of the building, call the studio that pays for their deal and let them know they’ve all been fired — who will then call the Producer and make him hire them back. This is in addition to this Producer’s constant stable of 5-10 assistants, all who have been fired (and not rehired back) as a result of not being good at laminating huge cards covered in contact numbers.
3. Producer #3: Has a huge deal at a studio to make movies. Refuses to discuss scripts with his VPs and Development staff. Instead, sends back the coverpages of the scripts they submit with notes that range from, “What are you, an idiot?” to “This is the crappiest script I’ve ever read and so are you…” to “Not bad, but your work is still crap.”
4. Actor #1. Made millions in action films. And cannot read. A nightmare for Directors who try not to work with this person if they can help it.
That’s all I have for you at the moment. So, when you watch the Oscars tomorrow — know that some of these happy folks are, deep down, really quite insane.