When Aliens Attack, or Land Peacefully

The aliens are coming.

The most recent edition of POPULAR MECHANICS (Feb 2004) has a very interesting cover. It has a cover story about, basically, how the World would handle it if UFOs landed and we experienced contact with them. “What would you do?” they wonder aloud, “if UFOs landed?” And so, I give you my Top 10 List that I have dubbed…

Top 10 Things Paul Would Do If UFOs Landed on Earth

10. Shit my pants.

09. Change my underwear and promptly call my friends who now owe me $50 dollars a piece as aliens have now landed and I have won the bet we agreed upon back in High School.

Conspiracy Theories

I read something online yesterday that says that The Denver International Airport (recently finished in the last few years, and one of the largest in the country) actually has huge underground levels that are hidden to most citizens, that will someday be used as a huge detention facility, when the New World Order comes to power. You know, they’ll turn the airport into some kind of a huge concentration camp. But underground. You know, so at least it’ll be cooler for all those people who are about to be shoveled into ovens or whatever hi-tech torture techniques they use when that happens.

I Suck.

I haven’t written in my blog in over a week and it makes me a very very very sad boy. So sad that I just cried one of those inside cries that really show no tears or puffiness or redness in the eye, but there’s a little twitching going on in my left pinky finger, which for me, means I’m sad.

There have been many things happening this past week.

1. Started my work on this Comedy Central show.

2. Ended my work on this Comedy Central show.

3. Interviewed for a possible Producing gig on a VH1 show where they try to find (like American Idol) the new (get this) Partridge Family.

Will Power & Clue Guessing

Will power comes in many forms.

There’s the will power to not eat bad food, the will power to not tell someone what you really think of them and the will power to not defacate in your clean, white pants.

I choose to be clean. I also choose to eat two huge pizzas and a bag of Doritos.

From all this food talk, some might think I’m a load. But alas, I’m not. Although if I didn’t go to the gym and throw up after every meal, well then I might put on a few pounds. But until my teeth fall out from the acid that comes up when I purge in the lavatory, I’ll continue to do it.

Twenty Dollars

I don’t get it.

Am I living in an alternate universe where I would never, ever get in my car and drive 30 minutes to some office location, sit around for 90 minutes answering questions about some television show that had yet to be developed, then drive another 30 minutes home — all for twenty dollars?

I’ve been coordinating these focus groups for this television show I’m developing for Comedy Central, and in doing so I had to find 20 people for two focus groups. What do they get for coming in? Food, riches and a brand new car? No. Twenty dollars.